Progress Report

It is becoming clear to me that the purpose of this blog is to be somewhat of a progress report. Fortunately, each blog that I write can be counted as progress in and of itself, but it will also be a place where I can publicly keep track of my goals. For instance, I still have not touched my guitar. I did find my tuner, so at least I'll be in tune when the spirit moves. I didn't write a song last week, although I did RE-write one. I haven't started writing my novel. But I finally told a friend my three ideas a couple of days ago. She liked all three, but she thinks I should write non-fiction. Maybe I will. I need to mull that thought over a little bit more. I mean, what do I have to say? What is my message? My mission? As you can see from my blogs, my thoughts are all over the map. Maybe a theme will emerge as I continue to blog. Let me know if you recognize it before I do!

Here's what else is on my mind:

After today's game the Titans are 5-2! It was yet another game that we shouldn't have won. No inspirational lessons this week. The defense played well, but the other major factor was LUCK. Speaking of luck, Phil Stacey sang the National Anthem at the game today. He was the American Idol contestant who missed the birth of his baby to audition for Idol. He is moderately talented, but he made it to #5 on the show and is rumored to be recording a country album. On the opposite end of the spectrum you have Sixwire. These guys are friends of ours who are extremely talented and have more than paid their dues in this town. They can now be seen on Fox's "America's Next Great Band"! They were picked in the top 12 out of thousands of bands who auditioned and are expected to go to the very end. Okay, I've changed my mind. I DO have an inspirational lesson this week: success means a lot more when you have WORKED for it!

(Although, who am I kidding? A little luck is nice every once in a while!)

In Retrospect.......

I am sitting at Sam & Zoe's and it is raining outside. I don't know what it is about rainy Fall days that makes me feel so creative. But I DO feel creative today - and alive. It could just be the caffeine high, but I don't think so. In an hour I will meet my friend who will start recording a record tomorrow. We have been writing songs for this record for the better part of a year. Up to now, we have felt quite alone in this process. Apart from a couple of other co-writers, hardly anyone has heard this music. Fortunately, two of the people who have heard it have jumped on board with us and will help this dream come true. The producer had an immediate positive reaction to our demos and consequently, has moved some things around in his schedule in order to work with my friend. (I will introduce her to you later!) Then there is the film and television guy from L.A. who is chomping at the bit to get these songs into film and TV, but my friend has asked him to wait until these more "official" versions are done.

I read Sting's memoir, "Broken Music", over the weekend. It was mostly about his life leading up to the explosion of the Police onto the music scene. I thoroughly enjoyed it and found even the most mundane details interesting. But when I think about, I realize those details are only interesting because he became STING! If not for his eventual fame, he would've just been some guy who played in bands, worked construction, worked for the government, taught third grade and spent many years on the "dole" - the British version of welfare. But as he weaves his story, he introduces his readers to characters who WE know will play life-changing roles in his life. He leads his readers through decisions in his life that WE know will result in his fame and fortune. He admits that he had no preconception of the super stardom that would come in his future, although many people around him did. He just loved playing music, writing songs and singing and so he never veered from the path. I think if I was on welfare I might be willing to accept defeat and walk away from my artistic aspirations, for heaven's sake! But the rest is rock and roll history.

"In the Fall of 2007 an artist would go into the studio. After being overlooked and even rejected for the preceding decade it would soon become evident that her time had come. Her music would reach the entire world and people would be moved by it. She would look back and see the tapestry of her life taking shape, making sense, weaving itself together in a way it was always meant to be. And suddenly all those rainy mornings spent by her friend and co-writer dreaming of the future and all the success to come will not seem mundane at all........"

I Am The WORST Fan!

Anyone who knows me at all will not be surprised to find a blog about the Tennessee Titans. Unfortunately, while I am a HUGE fan, I am not a very loyal one. Take today's game for instance: it is the 4th quarter and the Titans lead the Houston Texans by 25 points. Fourteen minutes and several miracles later, the Texans have pulled ahead by one point, seemingly winning the game. I start pacing around the living room and retort to Mark, "So, who are you taking to the Titans game next week?? Because I just can't go and support a team that plays like that!" Nice, huh?? You'd think I could have cut the Titans some slack since they were playing without their starting quarterback, the injured Vince Young. But there was almost a minute left to play. It is a minute that is now NFL history. The Titans get into field goal range and the unlikely hero, kicker Rob Bironas, will hit his 8th field goal of the day - breaking the NFL record for most field goals in one game and more importantly, winning the game.

So here are the lessons that I walked away with. First, the game is not over until it is OVER. I will try to apply this to my life as well as to my fickle fan syndrome. Something I have learned about myself, and am not proud of, is that I "borrow trouble". I assume that I know how something is going to go and freak out and let the bottom fall out. And I'm usually wrong in these situations. Flat out wrong. And then I feel sheepish and wish that my faith had been a little stronger: my faith in God, myself, my career and yes, even in those Tennessee Titans. Secondly, the back story on Rob Bironas the kicker is inspiring in and of itself. Here's a guy who was working at Best Buy a few years ago. In 2003 he decides to give professional football one last shot. He plays Arena football for a while and finally breaks into the NFL - where he will be cut from team after team for the next 3 years. In 2006 the Tennessee Titans pick him up. He will wow teammates and fans with a 60 yard, game winning field goal against the Indianapolis Colts later that year. Today his name goes down in NFL history. At the end of the game, one of the commentators asked him how he felt in light of being rejected by so many teams over the past few years. He said, "I don't see it as rejection. I just see it as part of the rough road I had to go down to get here." (or something to that effect!) Wow! Does that hit you like it hits me?? It makes me want to just keep doing what I'm doing to the best of my ability. Just keep showing up. Maybe all the bumps in the road are bumping me closer to MY shining moment. After all, an unlikely hero is a hero, nonetheless.

If Your Flower Girl Has Two Black Eyes

All weekend we felt like the punch line to a Jeff Foxworthy joke! You might be a redneck if.............your flower girl has two black eyes! That's right - little Sydney has a goose egg on her forehead and two black eyes. In her words, "I wouldn't get off the swing so my cousin threw a rock at me." She's then quick to assure everybody (and I do mean EVERYBODY) that she has forgiven him and he's still her friend. The rock hit her square in the middle of her forehead, leaving a purply green bump. It looked a little better the next morning. But much to my suprpise (and horror), she had two black eyes when I picked her up from school on the second day. Apparently these injuries tend to travel downward on the face. It was only then that it occurred to me: the wedding! We were due to fly to Kansas 3 days later where Sydney was to be the flower girl in a wedding.

Thus begins the 3 day saga of our weekend spent explaining our black eyed girl to everyone we came in contact with. The flight attendant even announced it over the loud speaker. He was publicly congratulating the groom and thought it would be funny to throw in the story of the flower girl with the "shiners".

There was a lot of emotion surrounding the dress that Sydney wore. It was the same dress that the bride herself wore when she was flower girl in her mother's wedding almost twenty years ago. I could imagine what the mother of the bride was thinking as she watched her grown-up daughter hugging Sydney in that flower girl dress. I know she was thinking it felt like only yesterday. I squeezed her arm knowingly when I saw the tears in her eyes. My own tears came as Sydney made her entrance. You have never seen a little girl looking more proud of herself as she walked down that aisle, meticulously dropping her flower petals.

Right before the wedding ceremony, I left her in the vestibule in the capable hands of the 6 year old ring bearer. I had started to walk away to go find my seat when she called out to me. "Mama! I forgot to give you hugs and kisses!" It was one of those moments when you are aware that a "moment" is happening. I bent to receive my hugs and kisses and told her "Honey, I love you SO much and I'm SO proud of you!" I KNOW that I will remember this someday when I hug and kiss her in the vestibule on her own wedding day. I will say those same words to her and she will be all grown up and dressed in a beautiful gown, but there will be a split second when I will see her as my precious flower girl with two black eyes. And I, too, will feel like it was only yesterday.

Pumpkins and Turkeys and Pigs, Oh My!

I did not wear my songwriter hat today. I did not go to my hip coffee shop, I did not pick up my guitar and I did not write a word of fiction.

I did, however, play 20 games of "I Spy", pet 3 piglets, 2 calves and a goat (we weren't allowed to pet the turkey - guess he's a little testy this time of year) and pick pumpkins right out of the patch. If you guessed that I went on my first field trip with Syd's pre-school class, then - you win!! For your prize you can choose between my melted jello or Sydney's dangerously warm diced turkey bites! Did I mention it was 90 degrees?? Yep, there we were, sweating in our blue jeans, jostling down the dusty trail while the unseasonably hot sun baked us on the too long hayride. At first, the 4 year olds were good sports, waving politely when prompted, at the old mare in the field and oohing and ahhing obligingly over the big, round hay bales. But by the end of the ride the kids were just asking when they could go home.

We had so looked forward to this trip to Walden Farm. When I first saw it on the school calendar, I had visions of turning leaves, crisp, cool air and a quaint picnic in the field. I pictured sweaters and jackets and maybe even mugs of hot chocolate. Never once did I conjure up flies and sunburn and little faces dripping with perspiraton. We did walk away with two mighty fine pumpkins of Sydney's choosing, so all was not lost.

Lesson for the day: I was going to think of something really profound to say here - something about togetherness and not taking things for granted, but there is one glaring thought that I cannot get out of my head:

Note to self: next time you go on a field trip in hot weather, DO NOT pack perishable foods for lunch!

Blogging: Day Two (or Crack Corn Cakes)

Right now I am in danger of being swallowed by my couch. My stomach is full of corn cakes and white bean soup from Nero's. I wasn't even offended that our waiter laughed when my sister and I requested our third basket of corn cakes. Let me sum it up for you - crispy and golden on the outside, soft and warm on the inside - spread with butter - devour - then repeat. And now I'm trying to blog. Maybe I need to stick to the hip coffee shops around town. I felt so creative yesterday as I sat in my uncomfortable chair, drank my (non-fat) latte and watched the parade of bohemians and business people coming and going, united in their quest for caffeine. I felt so energized, so productive. Now I just feel full, and sleepy! But I'm a blogger now, so that's what I will do. And then maybe I'll give in to the couch and take a short cat nap to reward myself............

If You Can't Beat 'Em..........

Okay, okay, I'm going to start "blogging"! Back in the day we called it "journaling" and I wouldn't have let anyone read my private thoughts for the world. But, times have changed and I consider myself to be somewhat of a modern woman, as well as an aspiring writer, so..............

Here's what's on my mind today:

I had a birthday two days ago. I'm not ready to tell you how old I am. But it's older than you think. At least that's the most common reaction that I get upon telling people my age. "No!" they say, "you look about ____!" and it's a number that is a good 8 to 10 years younger than I really am. It's a catch 22 for me, because I am definitely one of those people who is getting better with age. I'm a late bloomer. I married late, had my daughter late, pursued my dream career late and most importantly, grew some confidence late! But I do appreciate the compliment. Anyway, back to my birthday. I had every intention of sitting in my favorite coffee shop, Sam & Zoe's, and getting my dreams and goals organized that day. I see my birthday as being a very important starting point as well as being a good time for assessment - much like New Year's Day. I ended up getting a massage - a gift from my envied-by-all-my-friends husband - which rendered me useless for the rest of the day. I am not exaggerating one bit! I met my mom and sisters for sushi afterwards and I remember thinking how much trouble it was to mix my dab of wasabi into my low sodium soy sauce! I could've put my head down on the table! After lunch I could only muster enough energy to wander aimlessly around the shoe store next door.

SO! Today is the day. Just 2 days late. Today I plan the next year of my life. But first I will look back on the year that just passed - rather quickly at that! In a nutshell, my life is GREATLY improved compared to this time last year. I have lost 30-35 pounds (um, it varies almost daily!), written 20 songs, become more involved with my church, endeavored to parent more meaningfully and have been on some fabulous vacations! On the downside, I have not touched my guitar in 6 months (I'm primarily a lyricist) and I have not written a word of fiction in over a year. All in all, it was a successful year. It feels like a good foundation for the coming year and all the expectations I have for it.

So, I've gotten my songwriting career back up and running. I am not satisfied with just writing songs. My goal for the coming year is to write more fiction! I will write 2 short stories and will write 100 pages of my yet-to-be-titled novel!

I will blog regularly and explore other outlets for my non-fiction writing.

I will play one writer's night by this time next year. This means actually picking up my guitar and practicing!!

I will write 3 songs by myself - lyrics AND music!

Whew! I better get busy. I've placed a tall order. And I'm already two days behind..............