The Blogger Returns

It has been exactly 6 months since my last confession.....um, I mean blog posting! But sometimes blogging does indeed feel like confession.

And boy, do I have some things to confess! I turned 43 today. I am not ashamed of it, but I have struggled with it more this year than in years past. For me, it always goes back to "what do I have to show for all these years?" Any time I am lamenting my rocky career path, I always end up exclaiming, "and I am 43 (or 30 or 35 or 41), for heaven's sake!" as if there are certain mile stones that ought to have been achieved by such and such age.

I was inspired and moved and brought to tears by the movie, "Julie & Julia" yesterday. I saw it by myself. In fact, it was the first time I have EVER seen a movie by myself. (which is a whole other can of worms for later!) It was wonderful. I feel like it was tailor made for me. Julia Child never published a cookbook until well into her forties. She couldn't even boil an egg at age 40! Such a message for women, like myself, who are still pursuing crazy dreams a little later in life! It was even more inspiring for me, personally, because I AM WRITING A COOKBOOK! Can you believe it? I had the idea a few months ago that my dear friends in Point Of Grace should do a cookbook. We are now in the stage of "shopping" our proposal, but I have no doubt that this is going to happen. For me. At age 43.

Another confession: I had long since lost hope of getting another country cut. Well, more good news came out of the Point Of Grace camp yesterday. They are recording the song that I wrote with them on their country record! This blessed event is happening on Monday. (Needless to say, Point Of Grace is my favorite group in the whole world right now!)

And while I'm confessing, I need to tell you that I have been in the bluest funk for the past few months. My job did not end well at the elementary school last Spring and I found myself in a creative drought. Like the writer, Julie, in the movie, I found a safe haven in cooking. It gave me a sense of purpose. I cooked and baked and sliced and diced my way back to sanity. And one day as I stood in my kitchen, I had the revelation that I could combine this love of food and cooking with my desire to write. I can honestly say that I have never been happier in my career. At age 43.

Maybe I should say some "Hail Marys" or something as penance for my lack of faith!

How I Met Your Father

Dear Sydney,

Since it is your Daddy's birthday, I thought I would tell you the story of how we got together.

It was early in the year 2000. I had recently made some big changes in my life. I had quit my job in the Christian music industry the summer before and had recently gotten a publishing deal. I remember telling my publishers that they were the only men I needed in my life. At 33, I finally realized that if I couldn't find the kind of man who would treat me like I longed to be treated, then I would rather just stay single. So I threw myself into my songwriting. For the first time in my life I quit worrying about when (and if) I would ever get married.

One Wednesday in February - it was Grammy night to be exact - Aunt Betsy and Uncle Sean invited me over for dinner. John and Jeanie were coming too - and your Dad! They had been trying to set us up for two years, but it had never worked out. Your Daddy said that he almost backed out when he heard there were going to be two couples there. He had a feeling he was being set up with someone. I was hesitant too and had told Aunt Betsy, "Okay, I'll come, but I'm not going to try and look cute and I'm going to leave at 9:00 to go to the Gym!"

When your Dad got there, I was in the kitchen making guacamole. I had a huge gash on my head because I had run from the studio to my car in the rain and had hit my head on the car door! I had met him before but had forgotten how nice looking he was. He was tall with beautiful blue eyes (like yours!) and a smile full of mischief (again, like yours!). Suddenly I was wishing I HAD tried to look a little cuter! But he didn't seem to care.

We talked and talked. And laughed. We kept quoting the movie "Fletch" because we both loved it. I sat next to him at dinner and I remember being so impressed with how friendly and outgoing he was with everybody. He asked great questions and he told great stories. I can't remember if I left early, as planned, or not. If I did, I'm sure I didn't WANT to.

He told Uncle Sean the next day that he would sure like to see me again. They planned a double date for Friday night. We went out to hear Jules' brother, Jeff and his band play. I'm sure they were great, but I only remember talking (maybe flirting a little) with Daddy. We had so much fun! I'm sure you can imagine because I see every day how much fun YOU have with him, too.

He called the next day to see if I'd like to go to a concert with him the following weekend (a whole WEEK away!). Of course I said "Yes!" but I was really wishing I could see him sooner! Well, he called again, a couple of hours later, and said, "Hey, you wouldn't want to go see a movie with me tomorrow, would you?" So, we did. After the movie we sat at Green Hills Grill and kept asking each other, "Where have you been?!" We were married just over a year later - on St. Patrick's Day. I didn't think it was possible, but I am even happier today than I was on that day!

I know you are not quite six, but I don't think it's too early to start teaching you the importance of being treated well by a man. It means so much to me when he takes you on "dates". I pray you will never settle for anything less than how your Daddy treats you (and me!). No marriage is perfect, but I never, ever doubt his love for me (and you!). I will never forget him saying one time, in our early days of dating, "I just can't believe I'm actually with Julie Corlew!" And he still makes me feel that special. And you are one blessed little girl to have him as your Daddy!

With much love,

Mama

P.S. You will be hearing this story a lot as you grow up, until one day you stand at the altar with a man of your own who is as kind, loving and generous as Daddy.

The Cool Down Game

Something interesting happened in spin class the other day. It is an unlikely place for an epiphany, but it happened just the same. It was a full class. Between 30 and 40 people show up this time of year - this Resolution time of year. Most of us only know each other in the context of spinning. So, Dean the instructor came up with a game to play during the "cool down" portion of our class. The game is entitled "What Do I Do For A Living?". Over the course of the past several weeks, I have come to find out that I am spinning with surgeons, nurses, pharmacists, fire fighters and the chief of police!

On this particular day, however, I got chosen. I sat there, self-concious, as the members of the class sized me up and shouted out guesses. They thought maybe I was a nurse or a teacher or a stay at home mom. Someone finally noticed my BMI t-shirt, so they started guessing music business jobs and finally, songwriter.

After class was over people started asking me about my writing. They were so kind and interested and supportive. "Good for you!" they said and "Don't worry, you'll get your break soon!" Then the two guys who look like they are in a rock band mozy-ed over.

"We're songwriters, too", they said. And then we "talked shop." We know a lot of the same people and we talked about how tough it is "out there."

"Ya know, you two look familiar.....maybe we've met before," I suggested.

They looked at each other a little sheepishly and then one of them said, "We're the Warren Brothers!"

Oh right!! These were the guys who tried and tried to make it as country artists. They made 3 or 4 records and had several singles that didn't quite make it up to the top of the charts. Then they were judges on Nashville Star. Now they are just writing songs - mostly for other people. (They wrote that "Do It Anyway" with Martina!)

The epiphany?? I left there that day feeling like a songwriter once again. Like the Warren Brothers, my career path has not exactly followed the course that I hoped it would. But that doesn't mean that I'm not a songwriter anymore. It's not just what I do. It's who I AM. I HAVE to create. I wither inside if I don't. I have wasted too much time being disappointed by Music Row and wondering why I haven't gotten the big breaks yet.

No matter what happens, I will always be a songwriter. Every bit as much as Brett and Brad will always be The Warren Brothers.