It has been exactly 6 months since my last confession.....um, I mean blog posting! But sometimes blogging does indeed feel like confession.
And boy, do I have some things to confess! I turned 43 today. I am not ashamed of it, but I have struggled with it more this year than in years past. For me, it always goes back to "what do I have to show for all these years?" Any time I am lamenting my rocky career path, I always end up exclaiming, "and I am 43 (or 30 or 35 or 41), for heaven's sake!" as if there are certain mile stones that ought to have been achieved by such and such age.
I was inspired and moved and brought to tears by the movie, "Julie & Julia" yesterday. I saw it by myself. In fact, it was the first time I have EVER seen a movie by myself. (which is a whole other can of worms for later!) It was wonderful. I feel like it was tailor made for me. Julia Child never published a cookbook until well into her forties. She couldn't even boil an egg at age 40! Such a message for women, like myself, who are still pursuing crazy dreams a little later in life! It was even more inspiring for me, personally, because I AM WRITING A COOKBOOK! Can you believe it? I had the idea a few months ago that my dear friends in Point Of Grace should do a cookbook. We are now in the stage of "shopping" our proposal, but I have no doubt that this is going to happen. For me. At age 43.
Another confession: I had long since lost hope of getting another country cut. Well, more good news came out of the Point Of Grace camp yesterday. They are recording the song that I wrote with them on their country record! This blessed event is happening on Monday. (Needless to say, Point Of Grace is my favorite group in the whole world right now!)
And while I'm confessing, I need to tell you that I have been in the bluest funk for the past few months. My job did not end well at the elementary school last Spring and I found myself in a creative drought. Like the writer, Julie, in the movie, I found a safe haven in cooking. It gave me a sense of purpose. I cooked and baked and sliced and diced my way back to sanity. And one day as I stood in my kitchen, I had the revelation that I could combine this love of food and cooking with my desire to write. I can honestly say that I have never been happier in my career. At age 43.
Maybe I should say some "Hail Marys" or something as penance for my lack of faith!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
How I Met Your Father
Dear Sydney,
Since it is your Daddy's birthday, I thought I would tell you the story of how we got together.
It was early in the year 2000. I had recently made some big changes in my life. I had quit my job in the Christian music industry the summer before and had recently gotten a publishing deal. I remember telling my publishers that they were the only men I needed in my life. At 33, I finally realized that if I couldn't find the kind of man who would treat me like I longed to be treated, then I would rather just stay single. So I threw myself into my songwriting. For the first time in my life I quit worrying about when (and if) I would ever get married.
One Wednesday in February - it was Grammy night to be exact - Aunt Betsy and Uncle Sean invited me over for dinner. John and Jeanie were coming too - and your Dad! They had been trying to set us up for two years, but it had never worked out. Your Daddy said that he almost backed out when he heard there were going to be two couples there. He had a feeling he was being set up with someone. I was hesitant too and had told Aunt Betsy, "Okay, I'll come, but I'm not going to try and look cute and I'm going to leave at 9:00 to go to the Gym!"
When your Dad got there, I was in the kitchen making guacamole. I had a huge gash on my head because I had run from the studio to my car in the rain and had hit my head on the car door! I had met him before but had forgotten how nice looking he was. He was tall with beautiful blue eyes (like yours!) and a smile full of mischief (again, like yours!). Suddenly I was wishing I HAD tried to look a little cuter! But he didn't seem to care.
We talked and talked. And laughed. We kept quoting the movie "Fletch" because we both loved it. I sat next to him at dinner and I remember being so impressed with how friendly and outgoing he was with everybody. He asked great questions and he told great stories. I can't remember if I left early, as planned, or not. If I did, I'm sure I didn't WANT to.
He told Uncle Sean the next day that he would sure like to see me again. They planned a double date for Friday night. We went out to hear Jules' brother, Jeff and his band play. I'm sure they were great, but I only remember talking (maybe flirting a little) with Daddy. We had so much fun! I'm sure you can imagine because I see every day how much fun YOU have with him, too.
He called the next day to see if I'd like to go to a concert with him the following weekend (a whole WEEK away!). Of course I said "Yes!" but I was really wishing I could see him sooner! Well, he called again, a couple of hours later, and said, "Hey, you wouldn't want to go see a movie with me tomorrow, would you?" So, we did. After the movie we sat at Green Hills Grill and kept asking each other, "Where have you been?!" We were married just over a year later - on St. Patrick's Day. I didn't think it was possible, but I am even happier today than I was on that day!
I know you are not quite six, but I don't think it's too early to start teaching you the importance of being treated well by a man. It means so much to me when he takes you on "dates". I pray you will never settle for anything less than how your Daddy treats you (and me!). No marriage is perfect, but I never, ever doubt his love for me (and you!). I will never forget him saying one time, in our early days of dating, "I just can't believe I'm actually with Julie Corlew!" And he still makes me feel that special. And you are one blessed little girl to have him as your Daddy!
With much love,
Mama
P.S. You will be hearing this story a lot as you grow up, until one day you stand at the altar with a man of your own who is as kind, loving and generous as Daddy.
Since it is your Daddy's birthday, I thought I would tell you the story of how we got together.
It was early in the year 2000. I had recently made some big changes in my life. I had quit my job in the Christian music industry the summer before and had recently gotten a publishing deal. I remember telling my publishers that they were the only men I needed in my life. At 33, I finally realized that if I couldn't find the kind of man who would treat me like I longed to be treated, then I would rather just stay single. So I threw myself into my songwriting. For the first time in my life I quit worrying about when (and if) I would ever get married.
One Wednesday in February - it was Grammy night to be exact - Aunt Betsy and Uncle Sean invited me over for dinner. John and Jeanie were coming too - and your Dad! They had been trying to set us up for two years, but it had never worked out. Your Daddy said that he almost backed out when he heard there were going to be two couples there. He had a feeling he was being set up with someone. I was hesitant too and had told Aunt Betsy, "Okay, I'll come, but I'm not going to try and look cute and I'm going to leave at 9:00 to go to the Gym!"
When your Dad got there, I was in the kitchen making guacamole. I had a huge gash on my head because I had run from the studio to my car in the rain and had hit my head on the car door! I had met him before but had forgotten how nice looking he was. He was tall with beautiful blue eyes (like yours!) and a smile full of mischief (again, like yours!). Suddenly I was wishing I HAD tried to look a little cuter! But he didn't seem to care.
We talked and talked. And laughed. We kept quoting the movie "Fletch" because we both loved it. I sat next to him at dinner and I remember being so impressed with how friendly and outgoing he was with everybody. He asked great questions and he told great stories. I can't remember if I left early, as planned, or not. If I did, I'm sure I didn't WANT to.
He told Uncle Sean the next day that he would sure like to see me again. They planned a double date for Friday night. We went out to hear Jules' brother, Jeff and his band play. I'm sure they were great, but I only remember talking (maybe flirting a little) with Daddy. We had so much fun! I'm sure you can imagine because I see every day how much fun YOU have with him, too.
He called the next day to see if I'd like to go to a concert with him the following weekend (a whole WEEK away!). Of course I said "Yes!" but I was really wishing I could see him sooner! Well, he called again, a couple of hours later, and said, "Hey, you wouldn't want to go see a movie with me tomorrow, would you?" So, we did. After the movie we sat at Green Hills Grill and kept asking each other, "Where have you been?!" We were married just over a year later - on St. Patrick's Day. I didn't think it was possible, but I am even happier today than I was on that day!
I know you are not quite six, but I don't think it's too early to start teaching you the importance of being treated well by a man. It means so much to me when he takes you on "dates". I pray you will never settle for anything less than how your Daddy treats you (and me!). No marriage is perfect, but I never, ever doubt his love for me (and you!). I will never forget him saying one time, in our early days of dating, "I just can't believe I'm actually with Julie Corlew!" And he still makes me feel that special. And you are one blessed little girl to have him as your Daddy!
With much love,
Mama
P.S. You will be hearing this story a lot as you grow up, until one day you stand at the altar with a man of your own who is as kind, loving and generous as Daddy.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The Cool Down Game
Something interesting happened in spin class the other day. It is an unlikely place for an epiphany, but it happened just the same. It was a full class. Between 30 and 40 people show up this time of year - this Resolution time of year. Most of us only know each other in the context of spinning. So, Dean the instructor came up with a game to play during the "cool down" portion of our class. The game is entitled "What Do I Do For A Living?". Over the course of the past several weeks, I have come to find out that I am spinning with surgeons, nurses, pharmacists, fire fighters and the chief of police!
On this particular day, however, I got chosen. I sat there, self-concious, as the members of the class sized me up and shouted out guesses. They thought maybe I was a nurse or a teacher or a stay at home mom. Someone finally noticed my BMI t-shirt, so they started guessing music business jobs and finally, songwriter.
After class was over people started asking me about my writing. They were so kind and interested and supportive. "Good for you!" they said and "Don't worry, you'll get your break soon!" Then the two guys who look like they are in a rock band mozy-ed over.
"We're songwriters, too", they said. And then we "talked shop." We know a lot of the same people and we talked about how tough it is "out there."
"Ya know, you two look familiar.....maybe we've met before," I suggested.
They looked at each other a little sheepishly and then one of them said, "We're the Warren Brothers!"
Oh right!! These were the guys who tried and tried to make it as country artists. They made 3 or 4 records and had several singles that didn't quite make it up to the top of the charts. Then they were judges on Nashville Star. Now they are just writing songs - mostly for other people. (They wrote that "Do It Anyway" with Martina!)
The epiphany?? I left there that day feeling like a songwriter once again. Like the Warren Brothers, my career path has not exactly followed the course that I hoped it would. But that doesn't mean that I'm not a songwriter anymore. It's not just what I do. It's who I AM. I HAVE to create. I wither inside if I don't. I have wasted too much time being disappointed by Music Row and wondering why I haven't gotten the big breaks yet.
No matter what happens, I will always be a songwriter. Every bit as much as Brett and Brad will always be The Warren Brothers.
On this particular day, however, I got chosen. I sat there, self-concious, as the members of the class sized me up and shouted out guesses. They thought maybe I was a nurse or a teacher or a stay at home mom. Someone finally noticed my BMI t-shirt, so they started guessing music business jobs and finally, songwriter.
After class was over people started asking me about my writing. They were so kind and interested and supportive. "Good for you!" they said and "Don't worry, you'll get your break soon!" Then the two guys who look like they are in a rock band mozy-ed over.
"We're songwriters, too", they said. And then we "talked shop." We know a lot of the same people and we talked about how tough it is "out there."
"Ya know, you two look familiar.....maybe we've met before," I suggested.
They looked at each other a little sheepishly and then one of them said, "We're the Warren Brothers!"
Oh right!! These were the guys who tried and tried to make it as country artists. They made 3 or 4 records and had several singles that didn't quite make it up to the top of the charts. Then they were judges on Nashville Star. Now they are just writing songs - mostly for other people. (They wrote that "Do It Anyway" with Martina!)
The epiphany?? I left there that day feeling like a songwriter once again. Like the Warren Brothers, my career path has not exactly followed the course that I hoped it would. But that doesn't mean that I'm not a songwriter anymore. It's not just what I do. It's who I AM. I HAVE to create. I wither inside if I don't. I have wasted too much time being disappointed by Music Row and wondering why I haven't gotten the big breaks yet.
No matter what happens, I will always be a songwriter. Every bit as much as Brett and Brad will always be The Warren Brothers.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Private
Joel and I agreed that if he would blog, I would blog. This was supposed to take place last night. Well, he did - and I didn't. I thought a lot about what I wanted to say. And about what I didn't want to say. I knew that the title was going to be "Private". But when it came down to it, I went Christmas shopping instead. So now here I am a day late and a dollar short - uh, make that $167 short!
The reason I titled today's post "Private" is because that is how I have been feeling lately. I think that is the reason I have not blogged in over a month. I am not a private person by nature. So this feeling surprises even me. I am usually an open book. I tend to spill my feelings and secrets and stories and frustrations quite freely. I have had many things on my mind, but I have not felt the need to hash (and re-hash) them over publicly.
In the second chapter of Luke, the Bible tells the story of Jesus' birth. The angels are singing and the shepherds are proclaiming the news of His birth. Kings and commoners and farm animals are crowded around His manger. So much is going on at this moment in history. And yet........the scripture goes on to say, "but Mary treasured all these things in her heart." And I can relate to that feeling so much right now! And not just because Christmas is rapidly making its way to town. I am so thankful for my little family. It's more than I can effectively express in words. But I can say that my heart, like Mary's, is full of hope for the future. It is full of an awareness that I am alive at an important time in history. It is full of a sense of purpose.
I could go on and on and keep trying to express all that I am thinking and feeling right now. But I think I'd rather just treasure these things in my heart for a little while longer.
(Interestingly enough, Joel blogged about privacy, too. Check out his blog at http://thistlelane.spaces.live.com)
The reason I titled today's post "Private" is because that is how I have been feeling lately. I think that is the reason I have not blogged in over a month. I am not a private person by nature. So this feeling surprises even me. I am usually an open book. I tend to spill my feelings and secrets and stories and frustrations quite freely. I have had many things on my mind, but I have not felt the need to hash (and re-hash) them over publicly.
In the second chapter of Luke, the Bible tells the story of Jesus' birth. The angels are singing and the shepherds are proclaiming the news of His birth. Kings and commoners and farm animals are crowded around His manger. So much is going on at this moment in history. And yet........the scripture goes on to say, "but Mary treasured all these things in her heart." And I can relate to that feeling so much right now! And not just because Christmas is rapidly making its way to town. I am so thankful for my little family. It's more than I can effectively express in words. But I can say that my heart, like Mary's, is full of hope for the future. It is full of an awareness that I am alive at an important time in history. It is full of a sense of purpose.
I could go on and on and keep trying to express all that I am thinking and feeling right now. But I think I'd rather just treasure these things in my heart for a little while longer.
(Interestingly enough, Joel blogged about privacy, too. Check out his blog at http://thistlelane.spaces.live.com)
Monday, October 20, 2008
One Year Later
I have been blogging for a year now. Hard to believe. It's also hard to believe that I'm another year older. I celebrated (and celebrated and celebrated) my birthday over two weeks ago. On the day of, I got my hair done, met my girlfriends at my favorite Thai restaurant and then got my toes done with Jules. And to top it off, Mark, Syd and I went with my parents to Cheesecake Factory for dinner that night! The next night Mark and I met some more friends at Margot, my favorite "trendy" restaurant. We mostly drank wine and laughed. To round off the eating frenzy, we had dinner at my parents' later that weekend. Betsy made mouth watering chicken enchiladas and cheese cake........
Five pounds. In case you were wondering how many pounds I have packed on. FIVE! Now, I don't think I gained them all during my birthday week, but it has definitely been in the nine weeks since school started!
And how do I know it has been nine weeks since school started?? Why, report cards came out today, of course! There were no surprises. We had our parent/teacher conference last week and Miss Robinson went over everything with us. Our favorite quote from Syd's teacher: "Sydney is showing a lot of leadership skills for a Kindergartner - some may call it bossy - but I choose to call it leadership!" We laughed. We live with this child and are no strangers to her personality traits. I was so nervous beforehand. I guess every parent wants their child to be the smartest and most well-behaved. But it seems that Syd has trouble being a good listener sometimes and she has not quite mastered writing her lower case letters and the number 2! These things were outweighed by the fact that Sydney is an eager participant in all activities and is empathetic toward her friends. It's a little harder to teach that stuff, huh?
So, a year ago I couldn't have predicted how things would look today. I thought Sydney would be going to a different school. I wouldn't have dreamed I'd have a part-time job. Juliana had not even gone into the studio yet. Mark's new deal was no where near done. Things look better than I would've thought back then. It has been a tough year at times, but I am better because of it. With or without the five pounds.
Five pounds. In case you were wondering how many pounds I have packed on. FIVE! Now, I don't think I gained them all during my birthday week, but it has definitely been in the nine weeks since school started!
And how do I know it has been nine weeks since school started?? Why, report cards came out today, of course! There were no surprises. We had our parent/teacher conference last week and Miss Robinson went over everything with us. Our favorite quote from Syd's teacher: "Sydney is showing a lot of leadership skills for a Kindergartner - some may call it bossy - but I choose to call it leadership!" We laughed. We live with this child and are no strangers to her personality traits. I was so nervous beforehand. I guess every parent wants their child to be the smartest and most well-behaved. But it seems that Syd has trouble being a good listener sometimes and she has not quite mastered writing her lower case letters and the number 2! These things were outweighed by the fact that Sydney is an eager participant in all activities and is empathetic toward her friends. It's a little harder to teach that stuff, huh?
So, a year ago I couldn't have predicted how things would look today. I thought Sydney would be going to a different school. I wouldn't have dreamed I'd have a part-time job. Juliana had not even gone into the studio yet. Mark's new deal was no where near done. Things look better than I would've thought back then. It has been a tough year at times, but I am better because of it. With or without the five pounds.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The Stars Are Aligning..........In Their Own Timing
A friend and co-worker paid me a high compliment yesterday. She had downloaded Juliana Cole's record off iTunes and really liked the music. She walked into school yesterday and asked me, "What in the world are you doing working in the workroom if you are writing these great songs??" My sentiments exactly. Well, not exactly. Because I am thankful for the job. The little bit of extra money helps. But I agree with her in that Juliana (Jules will heretofore be referred to by her artist name - cuts down on the confusion!) is in L.A. and Phoenix doing gigs and TV shows and I am making 110 white paper barns for 1st graders! That's really just the nature of the entertainment business, though. One day you're waiting tables (or making copies) and the next thing you know you're riding in a limo headed to an awards show. It happens all the time. I have faith that it's going to happen for us. It's just the darn lag time. Or God's timing. I want it now. But there are greater forces at work that I don't understand. Maybe it will all make sense in retrospect.
For now, I am grateful for any good news. Last Tuesday, the day that Juliana's record was released, we found out that she was featured on the main page of iTunes. Mark says this is huge - and he knows these things. Two days later we found out that the record was charting on iTunes. Number 91 in sales out of thousands of pop artists! So, strangers are buying this record?? I only bought ONE - it's not like we're stacking the deck or anything! Juliana called while I was writing this blog. The show went great last night. One of those shows that goes off without a hitch. Effortless. And there were four music supervisors from various film and TV companies in attendance. The guy from ABC emailed this morning to say how great he thinks Juliana's music is. And then the TV show went great this morning in Phoenix. Everything is falling into place. Slowly.........but surely. One of these days in the not too distant future, I know we will get some BIG good news. Life changing good news.
Until then, you will find me in the workroom at the elementary school. Humbled, thankful and full of expectation.
www.julianacole.com
For now, I am grateful for any good news. Last Tuesday, the day that Juliana's record was released, we found out that she was featured on the main page of iTunes. Mark says this is huge - and he knows these things. Two days later we found out that the record was charting on iTunes. Number 91 in sales out of thousands of pop artists! So, strangers are buying this record?? I only bought ONE - it's not like we're stacking the deck or anything! Juliana called while I was writing this blog. The show went great last night. One of those shows that goes off without a hitch. Effortless. And there were four music supervisors from various film and TV companies in attendance. The guy from ABC emailed this morning to say how great he thinks Juliana's music is. And then the TV show went great this morning in Phoenix. Everything is falling into place. Slowly.........but surely. One of these days in the not too distant future, I know we will get some BIG good news. Life changing good news.
Until then, you will find me in the workroom at the elementary school. Humbled, thankful and full of expectation.
www.julianacole.com
Friday, September 5, 2008
Here are the pictures to prove it
Soccer Moms for David Cook!
How cute is he in that hat??
Archie didn't want to get near us. Said he was "sick"........yeah, sure...........
and finally............there was Mrs. IdolSmith's mini mid-life crisis!
The signing of the shirt!
Quote from Mrs. IdolSmith: "I wish I wasn't smiling QUITE so big!"
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