What If

I broke my self-enforced vow of songwriting silence today. It was time. I had put it off long enough, even going to such great lengths as writing a cookbook to keep from having to write a song. I was a little rusty, but I had expected to be. My co-writer, Phil Madeira, was as gracious and funny as ever and I am sure this helped to ease my nerves.

I am still trying to figure out all of the reasons that I felt betrayed enough by songwriting that I would consider walking away. The music industry is one of the few businesses where talent and hard work don't always add up to success. It is hard to know that some of your best work will never see the light of day. That shows you right there that I don't necessarily write for the love of writing. I admit that I want to be heard, to be recognized. Most of all, I think I just got tired of feeling like I was spinning my wheels.

Writing the cookbook with Point Of Grace reminded me about the joy of creating. I can now hold in my hands a beautiful, hardback book full of my heart and soul and words where six months ago there was no such thing. I had an idea and said, "What if....?" Well, what if I approached my songwriting that way? What if I didn't worry about "commerciality" and trying to compete? What if I actually had fun with it again?

After chatting for awhile, as songwriters tend to do, Phil and I wrote a very irreverent, bluegrass funeral song! As Phil and I talked about his good buddy Tom Howard's funeral, I distinctly remember Phil saying, "Hey, what if we wrote a song about directions for your own funeral?" Even with my semi-phobia of funerals, I whole-heartedly agreed. And the song turned out great. Special, even. There was a time that I would have tried to talk him out of it, that I would have pushed for something a little more practical....and commercial. I would have missed out on being part of a great song.

The melancholy side of me sees the glass as half empty. I appreciate that darker side of myself and draw from it often in my writing. But that is also the side of me that answers the question, "What if?" with "It would never work."

If I appeal to my lighter side, the side of myself that has seen doors swing wide open lately, then I would answer that question with a resounding, "Yes! What if!"