I broke my self-enforced vow of songwriting silence today. It was time. I had put it off long enough, even going to such great lengths as writing a cookbook to keep from having to write a song. I was a little rusty, but I had expected to be. My co-writer, Phil Madeira, was as gracious and funny as ever and I am sure this helped to ease my nerves.
I am still trying to figure out all of the reasons that I felt betrayed enough by songwriting that I would consider walking away. The music industry is one of the few businesses where talent and hard work don't always add up to success. It is hard to know that some of your best work will never see the light of day. That shows you right there that I don't necessarily write for the love of writing. I admit that I want to be heard, to be recognized. Most of all, I think I just got tired of feeling like I was spinning my wheels.
Writing the cookbook with Point Of Grace reminded me about the joy of creating. I can now hold in my hands a beautiful, hardback book full of my heart and soul and words where six months ago there was no such thing. I had an idea and said, "What if....?" Well, what if I approached my songwriting that way? What if I didn't worry about "commerciality" and trying to compete? What if I actually had fun with it again?
After chatting for awhile, as songwriters tend to do, Phil and I wrote a very irreverent, bluegrass funeral song! As Phil and I talked about his good buddy Tom Howard's funeral, I distinctly remember Phil saying, "Hey, what if we wrote a song about directions for your own funeral?" Even with my semi-phobia of funerals, I whole-heartedly agreed. And the song turned out great. Special, even. There was a time that I would have tried to talk him out of it, that I would have pushed for something a little more practical....and commercial. I would have missed out on being part of a great song.
The melancholy side of me sees the glass as half empty. I appreciate that darker side of myself and draw from it often in my writing. But that is also the side of me that answers the question, "What if?" with "It would never work."
If I appeal to my lighter side, the side of myself that has seen doors swing wide open lately, then I would answer that question with a resounding, "Yes! What if!"
The Calling
10 years ago
3 comments:
What IF you wrote your true feelings in a blog and everyone loved it...that's what you have here. Keep asking the questions that bring you back to creativity. It's who you are and what shines through. Thanks sharing life lessons is a very entertaining way!! loveit Jules!
Julie- When I have a writing session with a good friend, I assume something good will come of it, and had we not written our tune, we still would have had a great opportunity to catch up and have a laugh.
Moreso, it was inspiring to see the fruits of your cookbook "what if?" right there in your hands, as if to remind me of my own dreams coming true.
Great post. It's interesting that you are writing fiction, because I think you have a very engaging, yet practical style when you write about real life.
Anyway... what if I go to the gym today?? That's next on my list, but I wanted to chime in, my friend.
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Julie~It always seems, in my life at least, that just when I let go of negative self-talk and (at the other extreme) very high expectations and move into that state of neutral surrender, of "all is as it should be", then the things/ideas that need to come my way simply fall into place because I'm not fighting the flow or trying to control it too much. From seeing a few things recently in your life, ask yourself if you were letting go or tightening up in receiving those blessings. I bet you'd be surprised at what you find.
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