Thirty three thousand feet above the rolling hills of Tennessee, anything seemed possible. It was two days ago and I was on a plane flying back from California. Julie and I had a great time. We had a good meeting with Northstar, we dreamed about the future and we shot some video footage. We drank wine and ate at little outdoor cafes and agreed it was the calm before the storm. The air crackled with possibility.
As the plane made its descent, I ached for Sydney and Mark, who would soon be in my arms. It felt so good to be HOME. But I can't say it felt great to be back in Nashville. Even before my baggage came, I was already thinking about all the things I should be doing. I should be playing my guitar. I don't have any writing sessions planned for this week and I really should be writing. I should be writing songs by myself. I should be going out to more shows. I should be networking more. Should, should, should.
I put all this pressure on myself. It is so hard to separate my life from my career. Even sitting here at Sam and Zoe's today, I am inundated by music business talk as snatches of conversations float my way. It makes me feel competitive. It makes me feel behind. But in reality, I have worked SO hard the past year and a half. At some point I have to trust that those seeds I've planted will grow. And will be something beautiful. There will always be something else I could or should be doing. But I wish I could enjoy my day to day life more. If only I could just let go of the "shoulds" and wholeheartedly go to the zoo with Syd and the art museum and cook for my friends and family and sit on the deck and catch up with my sweetheart.
I just remembered something that I can apply to my life through this stretch. In Brennan Manning's book "Lion and Lamb:the Relentless Tenderness of Jesus" he tells of a nun who greatly impacted his life. His favorite quote from her?
"Don't SHOULD on yourself!"
Amen, Sister!
The Calling
10 years ago
3 comments:
I really enjoy your posts. I think that we creative people, ESPECIALLY here in Nashville, put such pressure on ourselves to produce and improve and advance and churn out new material all the time. As a result, there's guilt when we just can't do it all.
Life is rich, and multifaceted. Do what you love - ALL that you love... which is music, and writing, and creating, but also going to the zoo and hanging with your husband and friends, and reading, and WHATEVER. Good things will come of it - all of it.
And keep going. :)
What I try to do to manage time and not feel guilty is try to set a time limit on work stuff and then you can fully enjoy the time with your friends and family without feeling like you should be working. If you have fulfilled your "work time", it won't feel like you should alway be working. It sounds like you are doing great and don't be too hard on yourself!
True, true, ladies. Thank you. I'm just sort of in a funk here lately. Maybe it's the dang humidity..........?
:)
Julie
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