We had the swim lesson from Hell yesterday. Sydney has suddenly decided she is terrified of the water. Skills that came easily to her last year, even last week, now reduce her to tears. And I handled it exactly opposite of how I should have. I yelled at her. I demanded to know, "what is WRONG with you?" I took it personally. I couldn't understand why she couldn't just trust that I wouldn't let anything happen to her. I couldn't believe how irrational she was!
Um, yeah, she's FIVE. Irrationality is pretty much a pre-requesite for the job. And then, as if the swim lesson wasn't enough, we got home and she refused to eat her dinner. Mark said she had to go straight to bed if she didn't eat the tiny serving of rice on her plate. Again, she cried and acted like rice was the worst tasting food in the world. She loved rice just last week. She opted to go to bed instead of choke down the offending rice.
In her absence, the night was very long. And I slunk around feeling like the worst mom in the world. I went walking with Susan, who used to teach swimming lessons to young children. She said it is very normal for some children to be fearful and to regress. This made me feel better. And worse. Maybe it is normal for a child to suddenly be afraid of the water, but is it normal for a mom to lose it with the child?!
So I tried to make it up to her today. We went to McDonald's and to the zoo after school. I even agreed to go with her into the Lorikeet habitat. As brightly colored birds swooped dangerously close to my face, I realized that this day was more for me than it was for her. Because she had already forgiven me. I felt it when I snuggled her back into bed in the middle of the night. She put her plump little arm around my neck and said, "Mama, you're the best mom ever!"
McDonald's and the zoo are a feeble attempt compared to a declaration like that.
The Calling
10 years ago
5 comments:
You are the best Mom ever! You know that Syd was made just for you and me, ordained by God for us to be together and make that little being! God totally knew that we'd be in this spot at times, and although easier said than done, we both need to remember that when things are tough.
I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else but you. You and Syd are the bright spots at the end of the long day and I long to be with yall all the time. I certainly never believed any of this dream would be mine and here I am and we are living right in the middle of it!
I love you, Syd loves you and most importantly we all love each other despite ourselves. Nothing is a mistake....pretty cool huh? I love you! Night Night
This was a great post! I, too, struggle with those feelings. I take things personally even when I know I shouldn't. I think all parents go through it. Do you ever think about having another child? Your husband seems very supportive. That's good. I hope things are well and thank you for sharing this. We all go through it, and it's nice to have some commradary.
I'm adding you to my blogroll, Julie!!
My...what a difference a week makes! That little stinker was diving to the bottom of the pool for diving rings for two hours straight! : )
I just love that last line. OK, I loved the whole thing. But I PARTICULARLY loved the last line. ;) Great blog.
Post a Comment