The Day After A Bad Day

We had the swim lesson from Hell yesterday. Sydney has suddenly decided she is terrified of the water. Skills that came easily to her last year, even last week, now reduce her to tears. And I handled it exactly opposite of how I should have. I yelled at her. I demanded to know, "what is WRONG with you?" I took it personally. I couldn't understand why she couldn't just trust that I wouldn't let anything happen to her. I couldn't believe how irrational she was!

Um, yeah, she's FIVE. Irrationality is pretty much a pre-requesite for the job. And then, as if the swim lesson wasn't enough, we got home and she refused to eat her dinner. Mark said she had to go straight to bed if she didn't eat the tiny serving of rice on her plate. Again, she cried and acted like rice was the worst tasting food in the world. She loved rice just last week. She opted to go to bed instead of choke down the offending rice.

In her absence, the night was very long. And I slunk around feeling like the worst mom in the world. I went walking with Susan, who used to teach swimming lessons to young children. She said it is very normal for some children to be fearful and to regress. This made me feel better. And worse. Maybe it is normal for a child to suddenly be afraid of the water, but is it normal for a mom to lose it with the child?!

So I tried to make it up to her today. We went to McDonald's and to the zoo after school. I even agreed to go with her into the Lorikeet habitat. As brightly colored birds swooped dangerously close to my face, I realized that this day was more for me than it was for her. Because she had already forgiven me. I felt it when I snuggled her back into bed in the middle of the night. She put her plump little arm around my neck and said, "Mama, you're the best mom ever!"

McDonald's and the zoo are a feeble attempt compared to a declaration like that.

Seven Months Later

Seven months ago, blogs and blogging were a mystery to me. Now I can say that I have embraced this medium wholeheartedly. I love putting my own thoughts "out there" and I love "eavesdropping" on other peoples' thoughts.

I have tried to be honest. As honest as I can be in a public format. Like I said in my very first blog, I would die if someone were to read the journals of my youth. The musings of my adulthood are not quite as dramatic or heartbroken. Then again, I have purposely NOT blogged on a bad day. Maybe that would be a good exercise sometime. For now, I wanted to take a look at how my goals for the year are coming along.

I said I would write 100 pages of fiction for my novel this year. (October to October - my birth month) Well, that hasn't happened yet. Not one page. But my friend Joel and I have started a writers' group. The fiction writing is still on my radar. It is still a goal.

I said I would write 2 short stories. I've written one 10-page short story!! And it felt wonderful. (thanks, Joel) I feel like it gave me the fiction bug. Makes those 100 pages seem less daunting.

I said I would blog regularly and find other outlets for my non-fiction writing. This goal is on schedule too. I have blogged somewhat regularly and it looks like I will be writing a column for our church newsletter, The Branch, about the blogs of our parishioners. More to come on that as it materializes.

I said I would play one writer's night by my next birthday, which would mean playing my guitar more. My heart races as I write that one. Maybe if I was actually playing my guitar and practicing my singing..........sigh. I did see my guitar teacher, Ellen Britton, in Kroger's dairy aisle last weekend. She absolved me of "working up" all my old stuff and gave me permission to move on to the new stuff. And she raved about Elizabeth and thanked me for sending her. Elizabeth WILL be doing writers' nights before long! I give myself a "needs improvement" on this goal! I'll keep you posted.

I said I would write 3 songs by myself. I did start a song. Lyrics and melody. It's stored in my "garage band" to be revisited later. This goal still seems doable. Since I've been writing a lot lately, I'm becoming aware that I have more melody sensibilities than I thought I did. Ellen (the guitar teacher) used to always tell me, "Julie, you don't have a guitar problem! You have a confidence problem!" Indeed. That applies to many areas of my life. But I'm getting better. Right, Kirsten?

And then things happened that weren't on my list. All pleasant surprises. The North Star Media Film & Television deal. Finding out that I have over half the songs on Julianna Cole's new record. (You'll be hearing about her. She is up and COMING.) Writing with Phil Madeira. Feeling a little bit of new life breathed into my country song-writing career. I am learning to expect the unexpected. In a good way.

Seven months later, I am still trying to find the balance between being Mark's wife, Syd's Mama, a country writer, pop/rock writer, non-fiction and fiction writer. I don't always do the balancing act as gracefully as I would like, but I am happy to say that, for now, all the plates are spinning.