Honestly

It's hard to know exactly how to follow last week's post. I feel like that was my Jerry Maguire "mission statement". (Which, by the way, comes pretty close to being the perfect movie in my book: football movie meets chick flick!)

Thank you for your supportive responses. (most in the form of phone calls and emails - you cyber rebels!) It felt good to be honest. After further thought, I've realized that honesty is what this is all about anyway. I mean, I've pretty much been living life how I want to - cooking, raising Sydney, loving Mark, deepening my friendships. And writing when I felt like it. But I told YOU what I thought you wanted to hear. That I was perfectly balancing the writing with the parenting. Pursuing it hard. Competing with the best of them. Truth is, I haven't had anything resembling a "full time" writer's schedule in 5 years. (a little bundle, who I instantly fell in love with, changed all that) I have had seasons of very prolific writing. And seasons of very little writing. But I have done the best that I can do. I have said this before: I hope the seeds that I have sown will take root and grow. I really do. But I can say that it feels good to have hope in the future - whether the future holds musical success, or not.

Now, if I continue to be honest, I have to say that all of this is easier said than done. I met Jennifer for lunch this week. She had read my blog and was graciously hashing things over with me. She caught me in a vulnerable moment. (partially attributed to the fact that I had just come from a kickboxing class where I had to put my head between my knees to keep from passing out! I didn't have the energy to be "upbeat"!) I confessed that I was sad and hurt about how some things in my career turned out. I told her how I was relieved to finally be letting some things go, but I couldn't help feeling a sense of loss. A sense of loss for how I THOUGHT things were supposed to work out. Because I was honest and because I let my guard down, we had one of the best discussions we've had in years. It was like old times. And she had such good perspective. She told me that my marriage is one of the most loving she has ever seen and that Syd is one of the most precious little girls she has ever known. She encouraged me to truly ENJOY my sweet little family.

And that is exactly what I plan to do.