Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Existence: Justified

I need to say something publicly. To the four of you. Okay, I think it's more like 20-25 of you who are so kind to read my blog. There is something I've been hearing myself say a lot lately. Maybe I've said it to you. I will be in a conversation and will say, "When Sydney starts Kindergarten in the Fall I will be able to have a normal writing schedule! I plan to write 3 or 4 days a week!" And inside I'm going, "Are you crazy?? I do NOT want to write anywhere near that much! Not songs, anyway." I think I say it to justify my existence. To prove that I'm a "professional writer." If I'm honest, I have to tell you that my heart pounds when I think about Syd starting Kindergarten. I don't often acknowledge how fulfilling it is being her mom. What I'm looking at is five long days a week. 8:00 to 3:00. I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands. And now that I have time to do what I THOUGHT I wanted to do, I'm not so sure it's what I want anymore.

Don't get me wrong. I will always be a songwriter. But I am re-defining exactly what that means for my life. When I was in California, I was telling Jules that there's something I love about the Hollywood mentality. Work hard for 3 or 4 months and then take a couple months off. It's the ebb and flow. I have loved writing for Julie's project. Writing FOR something. For me, it's so much more gratifying than writing just because I have an appointment. Again, don't get me wrong. I love writing when there's inspiration and a great idea, but I can't (won't, really) keep scheduling appointments just because it's what I think I should be doing.

So, here's the more accurate version of what next year will look like for me: I will write songs when I want to. When I feel like it. With my friends. And there will be times that I get inspired and will pull out my guitar and write some things by myself. I will spend a lot of time at Sam & Zoe's - blogging and writing fiction. And I will cook. Have I mentioned how much I love to cook? Probably not, because that doesn't sound very "cool." But I love it. I love dicing up garlic, onion, peppers and broccoli and stir frying them and concocting new sauces for my Chinese dishes. I love cooking my mom's recipes that she has lovingly written down for me in a cookbook. And I love cooking for other people. I love having people on our deck and in our kitchen and dining room. I love taking dinner to people who need a little help. Yes, there will be lots of cooking come Fall.

But I imagine next year will be busy. Much busier than I'm anticipating now. Jules' record will take off and I think (no, I BELIEVE) we will get some big film and television placements. We have purposely put all of our eggs in one basket. We have chosen to do things very differently than how they do it on Music Row. Things COULD still happen for me on Music Row. But it won't be because I have knocked myself out and jumped through hoops. I've been there, done that.

And down deep, I DO believe my existence is justified. According to God, anyway. And Mark and Sydney.

18 comments:

Belle Meade Mom said...

Existence: Justified NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO!!!!!! Do what you love and love what you do.....and if that means life doesn't fit in the same box it used to, well that just means you are growing, emotionally, spiritually.....as a person, not some job title :) I don't know what Music Row would do without seeing you every day (and I don't care!) but I sure know what Mark and Sydney would do......wither away. You are the greatest.....friend and mom and person......everything else is icing!
Elizabeth

Unknown said...

sweety - the only person you need to prove your existence to is you. You know that...I believe in you....I'm your biggest fan...always have....always will be! I think it's awesome that you've shared this on the blog...I think it's awesome to hear the stories of people who are commenting on it. You don't need their support...but it sure is nice to have good friends...because you are a great friend, mom, lover, wife, daughter and child of God. No existence justification needed....and if you do...look around and blog about it...

I love you and nothing will change that!!!!!

Anonymous said...

This is my first post I'd like to thank you for such a terrific made site!
Just thought this is a nice way to introduce myself!

Sincerely,
Sage Brand
if you're ever bored check out my site!
[url=http://www.partyopedia.com/articles/finding-nemo-party-supplies.html]finding nemo Party Supplies[/url].

Anonymous said...

[color=red]The Most Affordable XRUMER/BACKLINK SERVICE Online!
The EFFORTLESS and POWERFUL WAY TO BUILD MASSIVE # OF BACKLINKS
[color=black]
200,000 BLASTS of your URLs+ Anchor Tex, message, pictures (can be spinned) etc
$10 USD (shared with other clients like a carpool), or
$25/200k for exclusive!(you control EVERYTHING)
$50 Exclusive @ 500,000 blasts.
(Complete reports will be given to clients)

[IMG]http://img697.imageshack.us/img697/1540/arrowdownh.gif[/IMG]
For orders, questions or concerns? Email: [u]formless.void47 at gmail.com [/u]
Note:
1. For STRICT Whitehat sites, it is advised to create buffers to pass on linkjuice. i.e. social bookmarks, cloaked pages etc.
You can blast the site directly, but it entails risk.
Using buffers are 100% safe, speaking from experience.
2. Xrumer is a very technical tool. Just describe to me what sorts of effects you want and well make it happen!
If you want to buy Xrumer?
>>>>> http://cloakedlink.com/chzgykebsd <<<<<<

[color=black]
-------
CLIENT 2 SAMPLE SPACE FILLED WITH URLs,Pics and Keywords
web seo software seo for beginners seo services mumbai seo sheffield seo class seo fees buy one way link chicago organic seo seo keyword generator seo codebreaker seo law xrumer free los angeles seo mainstreethost Buy Permanent Text Links seo elite scam houston seo seo keyword analysis denver seo company seo optimization tips seo software uk net seo twitter seo seo 2.0 text link seo team seo freelancer india seo analyzer buy links learn seo french seo search engine optimization software seo marketing firm search engine placement done seo aaron wall seo new york seo company seo 301 youtube seo ippon seo nage spanish seo charlotte seo buy cuff link trellian seo buy medical records seo webinar dog pile top seo software automotive seo calgary seo

-----
CLIENT 3 SAMPLE SPACE
[url=http://provenheightincrease.co.cc/ebook/tall-exercise]tall exercise[/url] http://provenheightincrease.co.cc/ebook/tall-exercise

[url=http://herpescures.co.cc/drugs/Female-Herpes-Photos-Oral-Herpes-Treatment-Herpes-Yeast-Infection.html]female herpes photos oral herpes treatment herpes yeast infection[/url]

http://www.ripoffreport.com/corrupt-companies/global-life-enhancem/global-life-enhancements-herba-5288p.htm

[url=http://buyplasmahdtvrev.zoomshare.com/2.shtml]PanasonicVieraTH-50PZ800U50-Inch1080pPlasmaHDTV[/url]


-----
CLIENT 4 SAMPLE SPACE
[url=http://provenheightincrease.co.cc/ebook/height-stretching]height stretching[/url] http://provenheightincrease.co.cc/ebook/height-stretching

[url=http://growyourdick.co.cc/penile/penis-enhancement-exercises]penis enhancement exercises[/url] http://growyourdick.co.cc/penile/penis-enhancement-exercises

http://weedvaporizer-volcanovaporizer.info/hookah.php?vapo=neBzng4Ure2nCl&wa=eagle&portable=gUr

http://buycheapplasmatv.info/cgi-bin/index.pl?=acoustic-solutions-ctvl32w3hd-32in-hd-ready-lcd-tv [url=http://buycheapplasmatv.info/cgi-bin/index.pl?=acoustic-solutions-ctvl32w3hd-32in-hd-ready-lcd-tv]acoustic solutions ctvl32w3hd 32in hd ready lcd tv[/url]

[url=http://teethwhiteningstripsreviews.info/xr/Christmas-Island]Henderson Okinawa teeth whitening trays Trafford teeth wnitening hooth whitening youtube popular Exeter san antonio texas teeth whitening[/url]

-----
CLIENT 5 SAMPLE SPACE
[url=http://cheapxrumerservice.co.cc]Cheap Xrumer Service[/url]
[url=http://cheapxrumerservice.co.cc]Cheapest Xrumer Service[/url]
[url=http://cheapxrumerservice.co.cc]Best Xrumer Service[/url]
--------
http://buypleodinosaur3.easyjournal.com/entry.aspx?eid=4359666##Buy Pleo Dinosaur Robots Ugobe Pleo Dinosaur Pleo For Sale Pleo Interactive Dinosaur Pleo Reviews

http://cheaphdtvplasma.co.cc/television/52-inch-plasma-tv [url=http://cheaphdtvplasma.co.cc/television/52-inch-plasma-tv]52 inch plasma tv[/url]

[url=http://stopacaiberryscams.info/cgi-bin/index.pl/does-acai-berry-help-you-lose-weight]does acai berry help you lose weight[/url]

Anonymous said...

who is julian mcmahon is dating http://loveepicentre.com/map.php create a dating website

Anonymous said...

dating married in elizabethtown ky http://loveepicentre.com/faq.php bdsm dating site

Anonymous said...

ipod touch ebook http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/it/A-course-in-game-theory/p101708/ rpg ebook bit torrents [url=http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/es/Software/c1364/?page=38]eft weight loss ebook[/url] download ebook to flash drive

Anonymous said...

chronicals of narnia ebook http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/it/Bear-Island/p10260/ above black ebook [url=http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/es/authors/?letter=A&page=42]bwl ebook[/url] blockade billy download ebook

Anonymous said...

ebook international trade http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/Hlawka-E/m50497/ coming prince ebook [url=http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/fr/authors/?letter=A&page=5]ebook download design of everyday things[/url] free c# graphics programming ebook

Anonymous said...

palm os5 software http://buyoem.co.uk/it/product-35371/3herosoft-iPod-Mate-3-4-MacOSX good day trading software [url=http://buyoem.co.uk/product-37304/Ultra-Video-Converter-3-6]welcome to the inquirer software page[/url] windows mobile software developers listings
[url=http://buyoem.co.uk/product-36275/CORExpress-0-1]CORExpress 0.1 - Download OEM, Software Sale, OEM Software[/url] pager programming software
[url=http://buyoem.co.uk/it/category-6/Software-di-server][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/4.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

windows midi composer software http://buyoem.co.uk/product-37300/Ultra-AVI-Converter-3-2 what is software training [url=http://buyoem.co.uk/product-24146/Adobe-Design-Premium-CS4-Mac]panda software for pc[/url] accu-check insulin pump configuration software
[url=http://buyoem.co.uk/es/search]Busqueda - Cheap Legal OEM Software, Software Sale, Download OEM[/url] organizational charting software
[url=http://buyoem.co.uk/fr/product-36229/NovaStor-NovaBACKUP-Virtual-Edition-12-0-Multilanguage][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/8.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

parsing report software http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/fr/product-36883/PremiumSoft-Navicat-for-Oracle-Enterprise-Edition-10-0 best writing story software [url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/de/product-37198/Magic-Music-Editor-5-3]medical billing and scheduling software[/url] blog software for debian
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/product-21405/Itunes-Library-Manager-5-2-Mac]Itunes Library Manager 5.2 [Mac] - Download OEM, Software Sale, OEM Software[/url] sheep eating popcorn dvd rip software
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/it/category-11/Strumenti-di-sistema?page=5][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/4.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

The paleo is based on solid foundation of scientific discoveries.
They have the ability to function at high altitudes and resistance to malaria to
the list of foods and try to win.

Feel free to surf to my blog ... paleo book

Anonymous said...

A How To Cleanse Your Body Naturally At Home drink diet should be taken thrice a year if possible.
According to one study, rats that developed higher numbers of lymphomas and leukemias
that were fed aspartame, were given doses equivalent
to 8 - 2, 083 cans of diet soda per day.

my homepage: haistewar.ireallylikefood.com

Anonymous said...

A great way to do your search engine marketing for you on your behalf is
genius. What is search engine marketing Friendly
Content? If you happen to be adapting novel practices, tools and are
continually improving their skills. Strong online presence over the
web. Search your target keywords are, but almost certainly no benefit, either.

On-site search engine marketing is very inexpensive.
An article directory is a website if it just sits there?


my web-site; seo web site

Anonymous said...

scotland brides dating http://loveepicentre.com/advice/ puma knife dating chart
420girls dating site [url=http://loveepicentre.com/advice/]dating groups[/url] who is kim porter dating
breastfeeding dating [url=http://loveepicentre.com/faq/]online dating alberta[/url] senior dating services [url=http://loveepicentre.com/user/hendrik064/]hendrik064[/url] dating china dolls

Anonymous said...

disable dating site http://loveepicentre.com/map/ active dating websites
french women dating american men [url=http://loveepicentre.com/faq/]how to become dating companion[/url] cons of online dating sites
dating internet research jewish personals [url=http://loveepicentre.com/success_stories/]good dating nicknames[/url] i love dating in the dark [url=http://loveepicentre.com/user/nash123/]nash123[/url] worst dating sites

Anonymous said...

100 free casual dating louisana http://loveepicentre.com/faq/ who is whitney hurley dating
dating in geneva [url=http://loveepicentre.com]dating compare[/url] rich guys online dating
gay dating in los angelas [url=http://loveepicentre.com/]dating life of peru[/url] dating barbados [url=http://loveepicentre.com/user/mutish/]mutish[/url] harry moore speed dating