Theologians, A Losing Streak and The Christmas Corner

I don't have anything specific that I want to talk about. I just feel like it's time for me to write another blog. I've been "researching" other people's blogs and quite honestly, I'm intimidated! Apparently, I didn't get the memo about being some kind of theologian if you want to write a blog. I struggled for about a week, trying to come up with something of redeeming spiritual value to bestow upon you. But the thing I keep coming back to is that I just have to be myself. If I accidentally say something inspirational, well, praise the Lord.

It is now official that the Titans are on a losing streak. They've lost 3 games in a row (please be advised that if the Titans were still on a winning streak, I would refer to them as "we" - as in "we WERE on a winning streak") Someday I would like to do some kind of human behavior study on sports fans. I cannot explain to you why I take it so hard when we lose (ahem, when THEY lose!) I mean, I don't KNOW them. It's like I share in all of the disappointment, but NONE of the outlandish NFL salaries that cushion the blow of defeat. Sigh. I don't know. I've said it before: I am NOT a good fan!

Well, Christmas is here. But isn't it still November?? I felt weird deliberating over Christmas decorations at Michael's today - at first. Jules and I ran in "for a quick 10 minutes" to grab a few things on the way to the studio. FORTY minutes later we lugged garland, ornaments and a neon green mini Christmas tree (for Syd's room) to the car. So I turned the corner. The Christmas corner. I remember having a dilemma in high school one year about whether it was too early in the season to give Gayla a Christmas sweatshirt for her birthday. Her birthday is December 7th!!!!! In this day and age, we've already had the tree up for two weeks, been to 3 parties and are already thinking about New Year's Eve by then!! The downside of this early celebration is trying to explain to little Sydney that no, it's NOT Christmas yet, it's the Christmas SEASON. I've explained this to her 10 times a day since Thanksgiving. Bless her little heart - I guess we have four more weeks of her excited exclamations of "Mama, look at the lights! Is it Christmas?? Is it Christmas right NOW??"

Those are my random thoughts for now. Maybe I will return soon with more organized thoughts!

A Little Perspective

Oh. My. Goodness! Disney World is overwhelming - and mostly in a GOOD way. Mostly. I think it's going to take a few days for me to process it all. We've been home for a few hours and I am still reeling. And I'm feeling like maybe it's time to go get in line for something! I did my research. Early to mid November was supposed to be the second slowest time of year at Disney World. HA! Turns out I forgot about Veteran's Day. The Orlando area schools were out on Monday, so EVERYONE decided to take a little weekend trip to Disney. Plus - it is a big military holiday (duh!) - and a lot of servicemen and women are given extra time off around Veteran's Day. And where do they go?? Why yes, the Magic Kingdom, of course!

My inclination is to report all the things I wish we had done differently. That is what keeps whirling around in my mind. So let's pretend I have already regaled you with stories of crowds, hour-long shuttle rides and mad dashes to the potty (at the most inopportune times through throngs of people).

If I only had the good things left to tell you, I would tell you about the perfect weather. I would tell you how Sydney's face lit up when she met Cinderella and how she kept asking if I could still see Ariel's "kiss" (bright red lipstick) on her forehead hours after Ariel kissed her. I would talk about dinner at the castle, followed by a Christmas party in the park. I would mention the Christmas parade and how snow fell on Main Street. I would tell you that the castle shimmered with a million lights that changed from blue to silver to purple as the fireworks rained down in the most breath-taking display I have ever seen.

I would tell you about the nicest family we met on the shuttle. The dad is in the Air Force and had been in Iraq for 4 months. He is home for two weeks (unexpectedly, to attend a seminar). I would tell you how honored I was to share in the mom's excitement at having her husband home. I would tell you how cute it was that the 5 year old and 1 1/2 year old were all over their Daddy - and how he was loving every minute. I would tell you how proud I was when Mark thanked him for his service to our country.

I would tell you that next week he will return to Iraq for 8 more months.

I would tell you how that puts everything in perspective.

I can tell you that I am grateful I got to share the magic of Disney World with people I love. And I can tell you that our Air Force friends feel the same way.

The Calm

As I sit here writing this blog, sun pours through my dining room window. Holly Dog sits beside me, nodding off as she soaks in the warmth. The dryer is humming, the kitchen is clean and I am at peace. For now. I recognize this strange calm. And it makes me nostalgic - peacefully nostalgic. That is, if it's even possible to be nostalgic about events that haven't even occurred yet. In two days we will take Sydney on her first trip to Disney World. She just has no idea what is in store for her. I am already bracing myself for the chaos, as well as the tender memories that are just around the corner. I am steeling myself for the stress of modern day air travel, for the absurdity of creeping sock footed through security with booster seat, stroller, computer and 4 year old in tow. I have been casually packing for two days. Don't be too impressed. It's really not like me to already be half packed. And it's actually working against me. The presence of the suitcases in our bedroom floor has set the dogs on edge. They click around nervously, following me from room to room, fearing our departure. But a week from now it will all be over. The Disney World flurry will be replaced by the Thanksgiving flurry. Mark's family will come to town and join my family for the festivities. It will be crazy with all the kids, but nothing does my heart better than having all my people in one place. And with Thanksgiving comes full on Holiday Season. Yes, I am thankful for this calm, this calm before the beautiful, frenetic storm that is brewing.

Mosaic

I am 52 pages into Amy Grant's book, "Mosaic: Pieces of My Life So Far." I finally had to put it down because I have cried my way through the first several chapters. I guess it wouldn't matter except that I'm sitting at Sam & Zoe's. I came to write a new blog, promising myself that I would only read a few pages of the book. But I couldn't stop. I know part of the emotion comes from knowing Amy personally, for many years. We have never been close, but have always been friendly. I have always been a fan, though mostly in secret. I grew up in music business circles where it is simply "not cool" to be a fan - or at least that's how it seemed from my teenage perspective. Anyway, many of these stories she tells - I remember. I was there. Or I heard the story the first time she told it. So I would have expected this book to move me. What I was not prepared for is the way that I identify with her voice, her melancholy. Even the happy stories are wistful, full of nostalgia. It is almost too much for me. If I had to say, I think I would tell you that my tears are mostly from relief. It feels so good to know that someone else walks around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. If you were to meet me (most of you have!), you'd think I am lighthearted and fun-loving. And you'd be right - partly. But even in the best of times, when I am laughing and truly enjoying myself, there is a part of me deep inside saying, "Please, please don't let this end. Please let it always be like this!" If I'm honest, I have to admit that I'm probably more comfortable in the hard times - in the hard times when melancholy is actually appropriate. And I have to say that it feels good to be in such good company. Thanks, Amy.

Progress Report

It is becoming clear to me that the purpose of this blog is to be somewhat of a progress report. Fortunately, each blog that I write can be counted as progress in and of itself, but it will also be a place where I can publicly keep track of my goals. For instance, I still have not touched my guitar. I did find my tuner, so at least I'll be in tune when the spirit moves. I didn't write a song last week, although I did RE-write one. I haven't started writing my novel. But I finally told a friend my three ideas a couple of days ago. She liked all three, but she thinks I should write non-fiction. Maybe I will. I need to mull that thought over a little bit more. I mean, what do I have to say? What is my message? My mission? As you can see from my blogs, my thoughts are all over the map. Maybe a theme will emerge as I continue to blog. Let me know if you recognize it before I do!

Here's what else is on my mind:

After today's game the Titans are 5-2! It was yet another game that we shouldn't have won. No inspirational lessons this week. The defense played well, but the other major factor was LUCK. Speaking of luck, Phil Stacey sang the National Anthem at the game today. He was the American Idol contestant who missed the birth of his baby to audition for Idol. He is moderately talented, but he made it to #5 on the show and is rumored to be recording a country album. On the opposite end of the spectrum you have Sixwire. These guys are friends of ours who are extremely talented and have more than paid their dues in this town. They can now be seen on Fox's "America's Next Great Band"! They were picked in the top 12 out of thousands of bands who auditioned and are expected to go to the very end. Okay, I've changed my mind. I DO have an inspirational lesson this week: success means a lot more when you have WORKED for it!

(Although, who am I kidding? A little luck is nice every once in a while!)

In Retrospect.......

I am sitting at Sam & Zoe's and it is raining outside. I don't know what it is about rainy Fall days that makes me feel so creative. But I DO feel creative today - and alive. It could just be the caffeine high, but I don't think so. In an hour I will meet my friend who will start recording a record tomorrow. We have been writing songs for this record for the better part of a year. Up to now, we have felt quite alone in this process. Apart from a couple of other co-writers, hardly anyone has heard this music. Fortunately, two of the people who have heard it have jumped on board with us and will help this dream come true. The producer had an immediate positive reaction to our demos and consequently, has moved some things around in his schedule in order to work with my friend. (I will introduce her to you later!) Then there is the film and television guy from L.A. who is chomping at the bit to get these songs into film and TV, but my friend has asked him to wait until these more "official" versions are done.

I read Sting's memoir, "Broken Music", over the weekend. It was mostly about his life leading up to the explosion of the Police onto the music scene. I thoroughly enjoyed it and found even the most mundane details interesting. But when I think about, I realize those details are only interesting because he became STING! If not for his eventual fame, he would've just been some guy who played in bands, worked construction, worked for the government, taught third grade and spent many years on the "dole" - the British version of welfare. But as he weaves his story, he introduces his readers to characters who WE know will play life-changing roles in his life. He leads his readers through decisions in his life that WE know will result in his fame and fortune. He admits that he had no preconception of the super stardom that would come in his future, although many people around him did. He just loved playing music, writing songs and singing and so he never veered from the path. I think if I was on welfare I might be willing to accept defeat and walk away from my artistic aspirations, for heaven's sake! But the rest is rock and roll history.

"In the Fall of 2007 an artist would go into the studio. After being overlooked and even rejected for the preceding decade it would soon become evident that her time had come. Her music would reach the entire world and people would be moved by it. She would look back and see the tapestry of her life taking shape, making sense, weaving itself together in a way it was always meant to be. And suddenly all those rainy mornings spent by her friend and co-writer dreaming of the future and all the success to come will not seem mundane at all........"

I Am The WORST Fan!

Anyone who knows me at all will not be surprised to find a blog about the Tennessee Titans. Unfortunately, while I am a HUGE fan, I am not a very loyal one. Take today's game for instance: it is the 4th quarter and the Titans lead the Houston Texans by 25 points. Fourteen minutes and several miracles later, the Texans have pulled ahead by one point, seemingly winning the game. I start pacing around the living room and retort to Mark, "So, who are you taking to the Titans game next week?? Because I just can't go and support a team that plays like that!" Nice, huh?? You'd think I could have cut the Titans some slack since they were playing without their starting quarterback, the injured Vince Young. But there was almost a minute left to play. It is a minute that is now NFL history. The Titans get into field goal range and the unlikely hero, kicker Rob Bironas, will hit his 8th field goal of the day - breaking the NFL record for most field goals in one game and more importantly, winning the game.

So here are the lessons that I walked away with. First, the game is not over until it is OVER. I will try to apply this to my life as well as to my fickle fan syndrome. Something I have learned about myself, and am not proud of, is that I "borrow trouble". I assume that I know how something is going to go and freak out and let the bottom fall out. And I'm usually wrong in these situations. Flat out wrong. And then I feel sheepish and wish that my faith had been a little stronger: my faith in God, myself, my career and yes, even in those Tennessee Titans. Secondly, the back story on Rob Bironas the kicker is inspiring in and of itself. Here's a guy who was working at Best Buy a few years ago. In 2003 he decides to give professional football one last shot. He plays Arena football for a while and finally breaks into the NFL - where he will be cut from team after team for the next 3 years. In 2006 the Tennessee Titans pick him up. He will wow teammates and fans with a 60 yard, game winning field goal against the Indianapolis Colts later that year. Today his name goes down in NFL history. At the end of the game, one of the commentators asked him how he felt in light of being rejected by so many teams over the past few years. He said, "I don't see it as rejection. I just see it as part of the rough road I had to go down to get here." (or something to that effect!) Wow! Does that hit you like it hits me?? It makes me want to just keep doing what I'm doing to the best of my ability. Just keep showing up. Maybe all the bumps in the road are bumping me closer to MY shining moment. After all, an unlikely hero is a hero, nonetheless.