A Nun's Wisdom

Thirty three thousand feet above the rolling hills of Tennessee, anything seemed possible. It was two days ago and I was on a plane flying back from California. Julie and I had a great time. We had a good meeting with Northstar, we dreamed about the future and we shot some video footage. We drank wine and ate at little outdoor cafes and agreed it was the calm before the storm. The air crackled with possibility.

As the plane made its descent, I ached for Sydney and Mark, who would soon be in my arms. It felt so good to be HOME. But I can't say it felt great to be back in Nashville. Even before my baggage came, I was already thinking about all the things I should be doing. I should be playing my guitar. I don't have any writing sessions planned for this week and I really should be writing. I should be writing songs by myself. I should be going out to more shows. I should be networking more. Should, should, should.

I put all this pressure on myself. It is so hard to separate my life from my career. Even sitting here at Sam and Zoe's today, I am inundated by music business talk as snatches of conversations float my way. It makes me feel competitive. It makes me feel behind. But in reality, I have worked SO hard the past year and a half. At some point I have to trust that those seeds I've planted will grow. And will be something beautiful. There will always be something else I could or should be doing. But I wish I could enjoy my day to day life more. If only I could just let go of the "shoulds" and wholeheartedly go to the zoo with Syd and the art museum and cook for my friends and family and sit on the deck and catch up with my sweetheart.

I just remembered something that I can apply to my life through this stretch. In Brennan Manning's book "Lion and Lamb:the Relentless Tenderness of Jesus" he tells of a nun who greatly impacted his life. His favorite quote from her?

"Don't SHOULD on yourself!"

Amen, Sister!

Bittersweet

Have you noticed how the bad things happen right alongside the good things? I used to find it unnerving. But the older I get, I think I am just thankful that the good things are there at all. Here's what's on my mind:

I am very sad about the passing of Tim Russert. What a well-loved man. I'm glad his family got to spend time with him in Italy. And I'm glad he got to meet with the Pope. Apparently he collapsed while working on voice overs for Meet The Press. He truly LIVED right up until the moment of his death. And that inspires me. But I'm mostly just sad.

Mark and I laughed very hard today. Sydney and I had gone Father's Day shopping and to the Y and to Publix. I kept reminding Syd that the present was a secret until tomorrow. So we got home and I told Mark, "Hey, honey, I got you a little treat - one of those key lime pies from Publix!" And then, without missing a beat, Sydney goes, "AND we got you a WATCH from Target!" Mark and I couldn't stop chuckling in the kitchen while Sydney stood there looking at us asking, "What!? What's so funny??"

We are becoming friends with a family from Sydney's preschool. Meghan has breast cancer. Really bad. She is going through chemo before they can even do the surgery. Vivian is 3 and Will is 1. Bill is doing everything in his power to hold his little family together. It just occurred to me why Syd insisted on buying a head wrap at Target today. She was admiring Meghan's the other day. She also was admiring her bald head. Please pray for them if you think about it!

I wrote a MELODY the other night. Me, the lyricist. Just heard it in my head and plunked it out on my guitar. Making me think I have built this thing up in my mind to be a bigger deal than it really is. See, I had this delightful new co-writer from Pennsylvania on Thursday. (she reminds me of you, Elizabeth) After solving the world's problems for a couple hours, we wrote a lyric together. A good one. Such a good one that this little melody started haunting me. Laurie, my co-writer, was then able to "pick" it on the guitar - taking it to another level. (not that there's anything wrong with intermittent, clumsy strumming!) Next stop - writing a song, in its entirety, by myself!

See what I mean? Good, bad, good, bad. And so it goes.

There is a scene in one of my favorite movies, Shadowlands, where C.S. Lewis (played brilliantly by Anthony Hopkins) is lamenting the inevitability of his sick wife, Joy's, death. Joy (played by Debra Winger) says something to the effect of "but don't you see? The sadness THEN is because of the happiness NOW."

Life is bittersweet, indeed. But I can safely say that my life is way more sweet than bitter.

Parallel Life

After a year of anticipation, our vacation in Rosemary Beach is over. Just like that. I don't know where nine days went. One beautiful, sunny day melted into the next. And suddenly we found ourselves cleaning out the refrigerator and eating all the frozen things from the freezer. As Mama, Sydney and I consumed pizza and ice cream and fresh corn on the cob that last night, I vowed that next year we'll stay longer.

It was a weird year anyway. It was our third year to go to Rosemary, but this year Mark only stayed for half the week. Exciting stuff is happening in his world. It's just that the timing was a little unfortunate. Mark's first day of his new job at his OWN company is tomorrow. So he spent the latter part of last week moving furniture and computers and office supplies into this quaint, old house on Music Row. (Go check out hearitfirst.com) It's the beginning of a new era.

But if we could live a parallel life, we'd still be in Rosemary. You roll into town and the pace slows. And it is so beautiful. Sally went with us for the first half of the week and she said it reminded her of Italy! The biggest decisions we had to make every day were whether to go to the beach or the pool and where to eat dinner. It's like living in a movie. Kids ride their bikes all over town. Sydney feels like she owns the place. She is so comfortable there.

One night we sat at our favorite sidewalk cafe with David and Shelley and their extended family. The restaurant is right next to "the Western Green" and the ocean is just beyond that. As the sun slipped into the Gulf of Mexico, we watched as grown-ups milled around with glasses of wine and children ran and played on the green. We ate and drank and told stories. And laughed. It was a perfect night.

Shelley called when they got back this afternoon. To commiserate. She said, "One of us has GOT to get rich so we can stay down there all summer!" Amen, sister!

It's back to work for us tomorrow. But in a parallel life we're asking one another, "So, do you want to go to the beach or to the pool today? And what's for dinner?!"