NashVegas Native

Goodbye, Holly Dog

2011-09-16T10:30:00.003-05:00

I will never forget the phone call from Mark. "She's white with brown spots and I scooped her out of the middle of the street," he said. It was early December almost 10 years ago. Mark and some co-workers were taking the back way over to Sonic which meant they had to travel down hilly, winding Holly Tree Gap Road. They couldn't believe it when they saw 6 tiny, female, beagle/spaniel puppies running in and out of the street. They quickly pulled over and started rescuing the little things. Another passerby stopped and said that he had a kennel so he could take Holly's 5 sisters (I pray they have had as happy lives as Holly did!).

We had only had Maggie Dog for 4 months, so we were not in the market for a new puppy. But God knew better. There is no doubt in my mind that Holly (named for the street where she was found!) was meant to be part of our family. She was a diva from the very beginning. We took her to a Christmas party the week that we got her where she was passed around like a beloved newborn baby. We are pretty sure that she never even knew she had been abandoned. Her attitude was one of entitlement and she was not a bit sorry about it. Dr. Hendrix, her vet, belly laughed after feeding her a treat, only to have her look up at him and then spit it out! She was offended because he had taken her temperature in a very.....um, embarrassing place!

She adored Maggie Dog and loved and respected Mark. She only tolerated Sydney. The truth is, I think she wanted to BE Sydney. When she commandeered Sydney's Dora the Explorer couch, we realized that she pretty much wanted one of whatever Syd had. More than anything, I think she believed she was my daughter. Her neediness melts my heart in retrospect. Next to a romp in the woods at my parents' house or a long walk with neighbor, "Aunt" Susan, all Holly really wanted was to sit next to me on the couch as I stroked her ears and belly.

I guess it is a blessing that the cancer took her in only 12 days. She went from being her demanding self to barely being able to walk. We were going to try chemo but in the end she was not even stable enough for that. It was almost midnight last Thursday night when it became clear that we needed to send her on to Doggy Heaven. I had wanted to be with her when the time came, but it was late, cold and rainy, so sweet Mark took her. He stayed with her until the end and said it was all very peaceful. He told her she had been a good dog and that she better remember us when we cross over to Heaven someday.

I don't know how long I will grieve for her. I pray that time will take away the pain and leave joyful memories in its place. One thing I know for sure is that I will never forget her.

Goodbye, Holly Dog. Thank you for the 10 years of love and laughter.

Songwriter Turned Cook!

2011-07-06T11:27:00.004-05:00

A little over a year ago I put down the pen and picked up the knife...and roasting pan and immersible blender, etc., etc. I was in a weight loss group (after gaining weight co-writing Point Of Grace's cookbook with them!) with some other women who did not have time to do all the prep and cooking necessary for successful weight loss. A couple of my friends asked if they could pay me to do the cooking for them. Wow - what a novel idea - getting paid to cook?? Through word of mouth only, my business has grown to an email list of 95 people receiving my menu weekly. I take an average of 15 orders per week. And then on Mondays, my healthy foodie customers converge on my house to pick up their healthy meals for the week.

In the last month or so, I have decided to take my business to the next level. I am ready to take on new customers. And I am fully legal. I have insurance and a commercial kitchen. The sky is now the limit. As for my songwriting, I am pretty much a believer in "once a songwriter, always a songwriter!" For now, I am expressing my creativity through beautiful, healthy, TASTY food!

Check out my new blog at http://healthynashvegas.blogspot.com/

If you'd like to purchase the aforementioned Point Of Grace Cookbook entitled "Cooking With Grace" go to www.pointofgrace.net

An Open Letter To Amy Grant

2010-03-26T12:44:00.003-05:00

Dear Amy,

I want you to know how very deeply I am moved by your new record. Jennifer gave me a copy two days ago and it promptly became the CD that repeats over and over in my car as I run around town, mostly doing mom things. As I listened I was transported back to my childhood on "Arms Of Love." I was struck with just how long you have had an influence on my life. Unlike the vast majority of your fans, I have actually known you personally since the early 80's. We have lived similar lives (except for the fact that you became a celebrity). We both grew up in Nashville and we both grew up at Belmont Church where both of our fathers were elders. You went on retreats with our youth group and spoke in our Sunday School class. I will never forget the day that you let us help you and Michael teach "Thy Word" to the congregation.

You and I have never been close but have always had a friendly relationship. I have had a unique opportunity to watch you live out your faith. Sometimes it was up close as I babysat your children and did "The Loft" with you. A lot of the time it was from afar but I was always watching. Being six years younger than you, I thought of you as a role model. As I grew older I realized that you were not perfect. But what you ARE is way more important. You are genuine. I would tell your listeners that you mean every word on this new project. What you are singing about it so unique to you, yet SO universal at the same time. Thank you for saying the hard stuff. The vulnerable stuff.

The different circles that we run in often intersect. And I am thankful when they do. But in case I don't see you in the near future I wanted to go ahead and thank you for inspiring me as a fellow songwriter, mom and woman of God. Our ages don't seem that far apart these days and as I listen to your music, I recognize that we have arrived at similar places in our lives.

I am so glad you made this record. It's just what I needed and I think it's what the rest of the world needs right now too!

Love,

Julie

P.S. Meet me at Bread & Co. 10-12 years from now when our last little birds have left the nest! Maybe we can catch up then!

What If

2010-02-11T16:48:00.004-06:00

I broke my self-enforced vow of songwriting silence today. It was time. I had put it off long enough, even going to such great lengths as writing a cookbook to keep from having to write a song. I was a little rusty, but I had expected to be. My co-writer, Phil Madeira, was as gracious and funny as ever and I am sure this helped to ease my nerves.

I am still trying to figure out all of the reasons that I felt betrayed enough by songwriting that I would consider walking away. The music industry is one of the few businesses where talent and hard work don't always add up to success. It is hard to know that some of your best work will never see the light of day. That shows you right there that I don't necessarily write for the love of writing. I admit that I want to be heard, to be recognized. Most of all, I think I just got tired of feeling like I was spinning my wheels.

Writing the cookbook with Point Of Grace reminded me about the joy of creating. I can now hold in my hands a beautiful, hardback book full of my heart and soul and words where six months ago there was no such thing. I had an idea and said, "What if....?" Well, what if I approached my songwriting that way? What if I didn't worry about "commerciality" and trying to compete? What if I actually had fun with it again?

After chatting for awhile, as songwriters tend to do, Phil and I wrote a very irreverent, bluegrass funeral song! As Phil and I talked about his good buddy Tom Howard's funeral, I distinctly remember Phil saying, "Hey, what if we wrote a song about directions for your own funeral?" Even with my semi-phobia of funerals, I whole-heartedly agreed. And the song turned out great. Special, even. There was a time that I would have tried to talk him out of it, that I would have pushed for something a little more practical....and commercial. I would have missed out on being part of a great song.

The melancholy side of me sees the glass as half empty. I appreciate that darker side of myself and draw from it often in my writing. But that is also the side of me that answers the question, "What if?" with "It would never work."

If I appeal to my lighter side, the side of myself that has seen doors swing wide open lately, then I would answer that question with a resounding, "Yes! What if!"

Following

2010-01-28T11:08:00.003-06:00

Now that I am re-committed to my own blog, I find myself wanting to read other blogs, especially those of my friends. On the other hand, when I am NOT blogging, the guilt - and probably envy - keeps me from reading anybody else's. If I had realized how inspired I would be by the blogs of my friends, then I would've started "following" their blogs ages ago!

"A Life In The Arts" is Phil Madeira's blog. It reads like a novel, reminiscent of Pat Conroy. Phil is a studio musician, producer, singer/songwriter and a visual artist, as well. His writer's "voice" is beautiful in the same way that his singing voice is beautiful: deep, gruff and hauntingly familiar.

"lovinglorilee" is Lori Loving's hilarious new blog. It is full of wacky, embarrassing, true stories that will have you snickering in front of your computer one minute, and the next minute you will be reeling from the impact of a spiritual truth. She weaves the sacred and the humorous together beautifully and will leave you wondering what will happen next!

"The Flip Project" is the brave undertaking of Nicolle Clawson. On January 1, she gave herself the mission to shoot a short video EVERY DAY during 2010 and write a blog to accompany it. Twenty eight days in, her blog is already a huge success. Her videos and blogs have included a car on fire, suspected polygamy next door and the ups and downs of building a career as a singer/songwriter. Intriguing, huh?

"Reflections On Being Present" is Jenna Schrader's blog. The title of the blog speaks volumes. Jenna chronicles her quest to learn about God, life and herself through her nature walks. (and trail running!) Peace emanates from her pages and they read almost like a devotional. She posts beautiful photographs, mostly of her beloved "heart rocks," which she collects. This blog makes me want to commune with nature more often!

"Vacation Boy" belongs to Joel Lindsey. He started keeping the blog several years ago when he wanted to record his 30 day writer's retreat in Cape Cod. He used the blog for accountability. He still uses it for accountability (just the other day he posted that we'd be running the Half Marathon together!), but its highest appeal has to do with his honesty about the music business. And his encouragement. You will read his blog and start believing that you can reach your dreams, too!

I highly recommend all five of these blogs. I can honestly say that I feel my own creativity creeping cautiously back. Thank you to ALL my friends (and family members) who inspire me. (You know who you are.) But thank you especially to Phil, Lori, Nicolle, Jenna and Joel who have fed my soul with their beautiful, unique words these past couple of weeks.

I'm glad to be following you.

Blogging About Jogging

2010-01-23T19:21:00.004-06:00

Twelve years ago my roommate and I would jog energetically down Belmont Boulevard. We would carry on rousing conversations and laugh and goof off. I felt so alive. We loved to admire the quaint cottages that lined our route and speculate about what the lives of their occupants were like.

Today I found myself in the same neighborhood and barely had the strength to look at the passing scenery as I urged my very out of shape body down the sidewalk. I am training for the Music City Half Marathon. I have been officially in training for only a week and it is killing me. I was excited when I heard that we (my running group from church and I) would be running in the Hillsboro Village/Belmont area today. Last Saturday we ran the Shelby Bottoms trail and it was beautiful, but there was not much to look at besides the river and the overgrown brush. Today there was a LOT going on: people were walking and running and pushing strollers and sitting on front porches. It was sunny and almost 50 degrees. And I BARELY got through it. I did not enjoy a minute of it. Oh, I felt great afterward as I sat drinking coffee at Bongo Java with the "twenty-somethings." But I was in pain for my entire run. I only ran 3.5 miles and it baffles me to think that I will run almost 10 miles further than that on race day in late April. You may wonder, "then why do it?" And I would tell you that I want to do it to prove to myself that I CAN! I'm also a little inspired by "The Biggest Loser." Those contestants usually run a FULL marathon at the end of the season. If they can do it, I know I can do it. My friend Joel actually pushed me over the edge when I was trying to decide whether or not to commit to it. He is one of those people who can do most anything, whose attitude is "why not?!" We are going to do the half marathon together and don't even get me started on how envious I am that he gets to train in Santa Barbara, running along the beach!

Anyway, the theme that seems to be running through my life right now is that anything worth having is worth working really hard for! There is a part of me that wishes things were easier, that wishes I didn't have to have hard conversations and wrack my brain for song ideas and exercise regularly and use every ounce of discipline to stop eating junk food! But I just have to keep telling myself that they WILL get easier if I keep pushing through the hard stuff and DON'T GIVE UP!

I wonder where we're running next Saturday?!

Sometimes Things Pan Out

2010-01-14T16:06:00.002-06:00

In this industry where things seldom pan out, I am very blessed to announce that the Point Of Grace cookbook (Cooking With Grace) has gone to press and their record (with my song on it) is "in the can!" The record and cookbook are due out on March 2nd!

One of the most exciting things that can happen to a songwriter is to be invited to the studio to hear your song being recorded. Well, that happened to me in October, just two days after my birthday. I wrote "The Greatest Show On Earth" with the girls in Point Of Grace and Cindy Morgan. Another thrill that day was meeting their producer, Nathan Chapman. Yes, THAT Nathan Chapman, of Taylor Swift fame! The song sounds amazing and I am proud to be on the record.

The cookbook has been a labor of love. Point Of Grace's record label Word/Warner decided they wanted to publish it and furthermore, wanted it to be released in conjunction with the new record. We found this out in late November. Suddenly we were on a December 23rd deadline. You have never seen such scrambling and hard work. There were many nights that I could send out an email at midnight and receive 3 or 4 responses immediately. Point Of Grace was a dream to work with, as was Chuck Hargett, our designer, and Jill Tomalty and Tim Marshall from Word Records. If you are still waiting on a Christmas gift from me, just rest assured that I have a cookbook for you. I barely even had time to be Santa's little elf this year!

Now, it wouldn't be a Nashvegas Native blog without a little melancholy. Don't get me wrong. I am SO happy and thankful for these promising developments. I just have to admit that I am feeling a little lost now that this HUGE project is over. The photo shoot for the cookbook cover was last week and the book went to the manufacturer two days later. The next two days were "snow days" and then it was the weekend. And then reality set in this week. It is January and I don't have any resolutions or projects or writing appointments. Everybody is inspired and motivated and I just feel tired. I feel the need to refuel and relax. I'm trying to convince myself that it's okay to take some time for myself. After all, while everybody else was going to Holiday parties and Christmas shopping, I was frantically wrapping up the cookbook all during December. Or maybe I'm better off when I have a project. Maybe it's a little bit of both. Maybe I need to relax while figuring out my next project!

Actually, I do have one resolution so far. I want to blog more regularly this year! Please give me a really hard time if you haven't heard from me for a couple weeks!

The Blogger Returns

2009-10-02T14:15:00.003-05:00

It has been exactly 6 months since my last confession.....um, I mean blog posting! But sometimes blogging does indeed feel like confession.

And boy, do I have some things to confess! I turned 43 today. I am not ashamed of it, but I have struggled with it more this year than in years past. For me, it always goes back to "what do I have to show for all these years?" Any time I am lamenting my rocky career path, I always end up exclaiming, "and I am 43 (or 30 or 35 or 41), for heaven's sake!" as if there are certain mile stones that ought to have been achieved by such and such age.

I was inspired and moved and brought to tears by the movie, "Julie & Julia" yesterday. I saw it by myself. In fact, it was the first time I have EVER seen a movie by myself. (which is a whole other can of worms for later!) It was wonderful. I feel like it was tailor made for me. Julia Child never published a cookbook until well into her forties. She couldn't even boil an egg at age 40! Such a message for women, like myself, who are still pursuing crazy dreams a little later in life! It was even more inspiring for me, personally, because I AM WRITING A COOKBOOK! Can you believe it? I had the idea a few months ago that my dear friends in Point Of Grace should do a cookbook. We are now in the stage of "shopping" our proposal, but I have no doubt that this is going to happen. For me. At age 43.

Another confession: I had long since lost hope of getting another country cut. Well, more good news came out of the Point Of Grace camp yesterday. They are recording the song that I wrote with them on their country record! This blessed event is happening on Monday. (Needless to say, Point Of Grace is my favorite group in the whole world right now!)

And while I'm confessing, I need to tell you that I have been in the bluest funk for the past few months. My job did not end well at the elementary school last Spring and I found myself in a creative drought. Like the writer, Julie, in the movie, I found a safe haven in cooking. It gave me a sense of purpose. I cooked and baked and sliced and diced my way back to sanity. And one day as I stood in my kitchen, I had the revelation that I could combine this love of food and cooking with my desire to write. I can honestly say that I have never been happier in my career. At age 43.

Maybe I should say some "Hail Marys" or something as penance for my lack of faith!

How I Met Your Father

2009-04-02T13:21:00.003-05:00

Dear Sydney,

Since it is your Daddy's birthday, I thought I would tell you the story of how we got together.

It was early in the year 2000. I had recently made some big changes in my life. I had quit my job in the Christian music industry the summer before and had recently gotten a publishing deal. I remember telling my publishers that they were the only men I needed in my life. At 33, I finally realized that if I couldn't find the kind of man who would treat me like I longed to be treated, then I would rather just stay single. So I threw myself into my songwriting. For the first time in my life I quit worrying about when (and if) I would ever get married.

One Wednesday in February - it was Grammy night to be exact - Aunt Betsy and Uncle Sean invited me over for dinner. John and Jeanie were coming too - and your Dad! They had been trying to set us up for two years, but it had never worked out. Your Daddy said that he almost backed out when he heard there were going to be two couples there. He had a feeling he was being set up with someone. I was hesitant too and had told Aunt Betsy, "Okay, I'll come, but I'm not going to try and look cute and I'm going to leave at 9:00 to go to the Gym!"

When your Dad got there, I was in the kitchen making guacamole. I had a huge gash on my head because I had run from the studio to my car in the rain and had hit my head on the car door! I had met him before but had forgotten how nice looking he was. He was tall with beautiful blue eyes (like yours!) and a smile full of mischief (again, like yours!). Suddenly I was wishing I HAD tried to look a little cuter! But he didn't seem to care.

We talked and talked. And laughed. We kept quoting the movie "Fletch" because we both loved it. I sat next to him at dinner and I remember being so impressed with how friendly and outgoing he was with everybody. He asked great questions and he told great stories. I can't remember if I left early, as planned, or not. If I did, I'm sure I didn't WANT to.

He told Uncle Sean the next day that he would sure like to see me again. They planned a double date for Friday night. We went out to hear Jules' brother, Jeff and his band play. I'm sure they were great, but I only remember talking (maybe flirting a little) with Daddy. We had so much fun! I'm sure you can imagine because I see every day how much fun YOU have with him, too.

He called the next day to see if I'd like to go to a concert with him the following weekend (a whole WEEK away!). Of course I said "Yes!" but I was really wishing I could see him sooner! Well, he called again, a couple of hours later, and said, "Hey, you wouldn't want to go see a movie with me tomorrow, would you?" So, we did. After the movie we sat at Green Hills Grill and kept asking each other, "Where have you been?!" We were married just over a year later - on St. Patrick's Day. I didn't think it was possible, but I am even happier today than I was on that day!

I know you are not quite six, but I don't think it's too early to start teaching you the importance of being treated well by a man. It means so much to me when he takes you on "dates". I pray you will never settle for anything less than how your Daddy treats you (and me!). No marriage is perfect, but I never, ever doubt his love for me (and you!). I will never forget him saying one time, in our early days of dating, "I just can't believe I'm actually with Julie Corlew!" And he still makes me feel that special. And you are one blessed little girl to have him as your Daddy!

With much love,

Mama

P.S. You will be hearing this story a lot as you grow up, until one day you stand at the altar with a man of your own who is as kind, loving and generous as Daddy.

The Cool Down Game

2009-02-05T13:53:00.002-06:00

Something interesting happened in spin class the other day. It is an unlikely place for an epiphany, but it happened just the same. It was a full class. Between 30 and 40 people show up this time of year - this Resolution time of year. Most of us only know each other in the context of spinning. So, Dean the instructor came up with a game to play during the "cool down" portion of our class. The game is entitled "What Do I Do For A Living?". Over the course of the past several weeks, I have come to find out that I am spinning with surgeons, nurses, pharmacists, fire fighters and the chief of police!

On this particular day, however, I got chosen. I sat there, self-concious, as the members of the class sized me up and shouted out guesses. They thought maybe I was a nurse or a teacher or a stay at home mom. Someone finally noticed my BMI t-shirt, so they started guessing music business jobs and finally, songwriter.

After class was over people started asking me about my writing. They were so kind and interested and supportive. "Good for you!" they said and "Don't worry, you'll get your break soon!" Then the two guys who look like they are in a rock band mozy-ed over.

"We're songwriters, too", they said. And then we "talked shop." We know a lot of the same people and we talked about how tough it is "out there."

"Ya know, you two look familiar.....maybe we've met before," I suggested.

They looked at each other a little sheepishly and then one of them said, "We're the Warren Brothers!"

Oh right!! These were the guys who tried and tried to make it as country artists. They made 3 or 4 records and had several singles that didn't quite make it up to the top of the charts. Then they were judges on Nashville Star. Now they are just writing songs - mostly for other people. (They wrote that "Do It Anyway" with Martina!)

The epiphany?? I left there that day feeling like a songwriter once again. Like the Warren Brothers, my career path has not exactly followed the course that I hoped it would. But that doesn't mean that I'm not a songwriter anymore. It's not just what I do. It's who I AM. I HAVE to create. I wither inside if I don't. I have wasted too much time being disappointed by Music Row and wondering why I haven't gotten the big breaks yet.

No matter what happens, I will always be a songwriter. Every bit as much as Brett and Brad will always be The Warren Brothers.

Private

2008-12-04T22:39:00.004-06:00

Joel and I agreed that if he would blog, I would blog. This was supposed to take place last night. Well, he did - and I didn't. I thought a lot about what I wanted to say. And about what I didn't want to say. I knew that the title was going to be "Private". But when it came down to it, I went Christmas shopping instead. So now here I am a day late and a dollar short - uh, make that $167 short!

The reason I titled today's post "Private" is because that is how I have been feeling lately. I think that is the reason I have not blogged in over a month. I am not a private person by nature. So this feeling surprises even me. I am usually an open book. I tend to spill my feelings and secrets and stories and frustrations quite freely. I have had many things on my mind, but I have not felt the need to hash (and re-hash) them over publicly.

In the second chapter of Luke, the Bible tells the story of Jesus' birth. The angels are singing and the shepherds are proclaiming the news of His birth. Kings and commoners and farm animals are crowded around His manger. So much is going on at this moment in history. And yet........the scripture goes on to say, "but Mary treasured all these things in her heart." And I can relate to that feeling so much right now! And not just because Christmas is rapidly making its way to town. I am so thankful for my little family. It's more than I can effectively express in words. But I can say that my heart, like Mary's, is full of hope for the future. It is full of an awareness that I am alive at an important time in history. It is full of a sense of purpose.

I could go on and on and keep trying to express all that I am thinking and feeling right now. But I think I'd rather just treasure these things in my heart for a little while longer.

(Interestingly enough, Joel blogged about privacy, too. Check out his blog at http://thistlelane.spaces.live.com)

One Year Later

2008-10-20T19:11:00.002-05:00

I have been blogging for a year now. Hard to believe. It's also hard to believe that I'm another year older. I celebrated (and celebrated and celebrated) my birthday over two weeks ago. On the day of, I got my hair done, met my girlfriends at my favorite Thai restaurant and then got my toes done with Jules. And to top it off, Mark, Syd and I went with my parents to Cheesecake Factory for dinner that night! The next night Mark and I met some more friends at Margot, my favorite "trendy" restaurant. We mostly drank wine and laughed. To round off the eating frenzy, we had dinner at my parents' later that weekend. Betsy made mouth watering chicken enchiladas and cheese cake........

Five pounds. In case you were wondering how many pounds I have packed on. FIVE! Now, I don't think I gained them all during my birthday week, but it has definitely been in the nine weeks since school started!

And how do I know it has been nine weeks since school started?? Why, report cards came out today, of course! There were no surprises. We had our parent/teacher conference last week and Miss Robinson went over everything with us. Our favorite quote from Syd's teacher: "Sydney is showing a lot of leadership skills for a Kindergartner - some may call it bossy - but I choose to call it leadership!" We laughed. We live with this child and are no strangers to her personality traits. I was so nervous beforehand. I guess every parent wants their child to be the smartest and most well-behaved. But it seems that Syd has trouble being a good listener sometimes and she has not quite mastered writing her lower case letters and the number 2! These things were outweighed by the fact that Sydney is an eager participant in all activities and is empathetic toward her friends. It's a little harder to teach that stuff, huh?

So, a year ago I couldn't have predicted how things would look today. I thought Sydney would be going to a different school. I wouldn't have dreamed I'd have a part-time job. Juliana had not even gone into the studio yet. Mark's new deal was no where near done. Things look better than I would've thought back then. It has been a tough year at times, but I am better because of it. With or without the five pounds.

The Stars Are Aligning..........In Their Own Timing

2008-09-24T14:53:00.003-05:00

A friend and co-worker paid me a high compliment yesterday. She had downloaded Juliana Cole's record off iTunes and really liked the music. She walked into school yesterday and asked me, "What in the world are you doing working in the workroom if you are writing these great songs??" My sentiments exactly. Well, not exactly. Because I am thankful for the job. The little bit of extra money helps. But I agree with her in that Juliana (Jules will heretofore be referred to by her artist name - cuts down on the confusion!) is in L.A. and Phoenix doing gigs and TV shows and I am making 110 white paper barns for 1st graders! That's really just the nature of the entertainment business, though. One day you're waiting tables (or making copies) and the next thing you know you're riding in a limo headed to an awards show. It happens all the time. I have faith that it's going to happen for us. It's just the darn lag time. Or God's timing. I want it now. But there are greater forces at work that I don't understand. Maybe it will all make sense in retrospect.

For now, I am grateful for any good news. Last Tuesday, the day that Juliana's record was released, we found out that she was featured on the main page of iTunes. Mark says this is huge - and he knows these things. Two days later we found out that the record was charting on iTunes. Number 91 in sales out of thousands of pop artists! So, strangers are buying this record?? I only bought ONE - it's not like we're stacking the deck or anything! Juliana called while I was writing this blog. The show went great last night. One of those shows that goes off without a hitch. Effortless. And there were four music supervisors from various film and TV companies in attendance. The guy from ABC emailed this morning to say how great he thinks Juliana's music is. And then the TV show went great this morning in Phoenix. Everything is falling into place. Slowly.........but surely. One of these days in the not too distant future, I know we will get some BIG good news. Life changing good news.

Until then, you will find me in the workroom at the elementary school. Humbled, thankful and full of expectation.

www.julianacole.com

Here are the pictures to prove it

2008-09-05T18:40:00.005-05:00

Soccer Moms for David Cook!

How cute is he in that hat??

Archie didn't want to get near us. Said he was "sick"........yeah, sure...........

and finally............there was Mrs. IdolSmith's mini mid-life crisis!

The signing of the shirt!

Quote from Mrs. IdolSmith: "I wish I wasn't smiling QUITE so big!"

American Idol Tour Review (or "Who let those soccer moms loose in Dallas??)

2008-09-04T10:15:00.002-05:00

I would like to introduce you to my guest blogger, Mrs. IdolSmith. That's her screen name from our "Fantasy" American Idol League. She is a HUGE Jason Castro fan. She joined his fan club and started connecting with other Castro fans online (aka Dreadheads!) Naturally, she wanted to attend the Jason Castro Fan Club BBQ that was thrown by his church ladies just outside Dallas. We worked up the following report for our fellow competitors. Bear in mind that most of our teams were comprised of artists, managers, songwriters, agents, etc. Mrs. IdolSmith, however, is a "civilian" - and she brings an innocence to it all that is...... er, refreshing? (I am Mrs. SimonSays)

Take it away, Mrs. IdolSmith!

LUNCH WITH PROF B
We arrived in Dallas around 1 pm and met Prof B at Mi Cocina for lunch. He was really nice and I'm so glad I finally got to meet the famous professor! I wish he hadn't had to do responsible things like teach class on Monday night, because it would have been fun for him to go to the concert with us. Although, he may have out shouted me when our boy Jason took stage.
(Mrs. SimonSays' 2 cent's worth: It was great to see Prof B - he was his wonderfully jaded, sarcastic self!)

THE BBQ
Having never been a part of a fan club I was excited to go to the BBQ and meet my new friends. We had a hard time finding where it was and finally saw someone enter a building by a pool in the city park. Okay, if there had not been Jason signs and music, I would have turned around thinking we had interrupted bingo night at the community center. It seemed some were stuck in a time warp. I felt a little ovewhelmed at first, but after mingling around and putting screen names with faces, I thought,"Hey! these are my people! Let's have some BBQ!" Several, as Mrs. SimonSays put it, were definitely "waving the crazy flag", but most were just good ole Castro fans.
(Mrs. SimonSays' two cent's worth: Mrs. IdolSmith was shell-shocked (bless her heart), but it was exactly what I expected. Prof B and I TRIED to warn her! For all you music biz insiders - some of these folks would show up on your "Weird Fan List". (bless their hearts)).

AUTOGRAPH SEEKING
We heard people were gathering at the AA Center to try and meet the Idols when they arrived into town, so on Monday around 12:30 pm we headed to the AA Center parking lot at close to 100 degrees. Mrs. SimonSays kept saying that she seriously doubted anyone was coming out to sign autographs and that if they did she would be really surprised. I never wondered if they would come out, it was just a question of when. We had fun standing near some twenty-somethings and with a few girls who had snuck out of their downtown offices and were somewhat embarrassed to be there. After about 2 hours of standing and talking, here come the buses! Very shortly after that, out comes David Cook! Mrs. SimonSays was falling all over herself! It was nuts! She forgot all about being too cool for school and jumped in a picture faster than anything. Then out comes Archie who was coughing and acting sick and didn't want to stand close to anyone. We talked to Kristy Lee a little bit and she said she was looking for houses in Nashville. Finally comes Jason! Yea! We saw a fan give Jason her cell phone to talk to a friend or something and I was wishing so bad we could make Mr. Seacrest Out’s day with a call from Jason, but I didn't have his cell number. We all know how much he loved Jason, and rightly so. Jason signed the back of my shirt with a smiley face that had dreads! And then of course we took a picture. I wish I wasn't looking SO happy, but I was laughing because I actually could NOT believe that I was there hugging Jason Castro! *sigh*I know its sick, so sick. The culmination of my mini mid-life crisis! (Yep, Mr. Team 35, just wait until you turn 40, you’ll be the first one buying the sports car.)
We were sad we didn’t get to see Johnsie. I thought Mrs. SimonSays was going to shed a tear or two, but after some guacamole and a margarita she forgot all about it. (Good thing Mrs. Commish decided to take a trip with the Mr. instead of coming with us. It would have been a wasted trip with no Johnsie sighting, plus waiting on the buses could have ruined her reputation).
The Dreadhead in charge of making gift bags with all kinds of Texas shaped snacks for the Idols asked me to bring my cookies (I had posted a picture of them back in May -at the height of my sickness and addiction to his fan club website). I wrapped them up in cellophane and put an official sticker on the back with ingredients. Since we own a restaurant I know how to do it right. We missed seeing Brooke because she came out so late and we were starving and hot, but we heard that she came out and said that she had broken into the chips and salsa and eaten the Jason cookie! I am sure he was scrumptious.
(Mrs. SimonSays' two cent's worth: I have to admit, this part was a little humbling for me - as I am more accustomed to being ON the bus with my artist friends - not WAITING on the bus! But the pictures that we got were well worth being pressed against sweaty fans for two hours! As far as the goody bags - file this under the "items that never make it past the road manager" category.)

THE SHOW
The show was AWESOME! I thought every one of them was much better live than on TV. It may have something to do with singing the same three songs for the past 6 weeks and no Simon, but whatever it was, they were really good. I loved Brooke and Johnsie of course. I thought Jason did great, especially when he sang the Gnarls Barkley song "Crazy". He waved a Texas flag and got a big hometown welcome. I was reminded while listening to him that he and Brooke are what I like- the singer/songwriters types. Brooke sang Coldplay's "Yellow" and Fiest "1,2,3,4" She was so good! David A. was great too! The little girl next to me had been quiet all night and when he took stage she squeezed her teddy bear (honestly) and screamed with her eyes shut. David Cook was great with the audience and seemed very much the leader. We saw a fan give him a black cowboy hat when we were at the buses and he was so happy to get it. When they all came out for the final song, he was wearing the cowboy hat and it got passed around to Brooke, Kristy, Jason, Carly -as they danced and sang to the Commish's favorite song "Please Don't Stop the Music"!
I am excited now that I have one more concert to look forward to! Taking the boys to Evansville in a couple of weeks -seats 6th row from the stage! Sure you don't want to come with me again, Mrs. SimonSays? Bessie Moo? Anyone?
Mr. IdolSmith said this is the year my children will remember their mother running off to chase the American Idols. I have the Commish to partly thank for all this. If he had not been so persistent in falsely accusing Jason of being a stoner, I wouldn’t have been driven to the AI boards for research and would have never met all my new friends online and become an addict. He’s lucky Mr. IdolSmith didn’t press charges. I can only come to one conclusion, IdolSchmidoling is not for the weak at heart.
(Mrs. Simon Says' two cent's worth: Cooksy, Johnsie and Brooke were great - came across like true artists - well, except for that cover tune thing! Chikeze and Ramielle were boring, Kristy Lee was robotic, Carly started good, but got annoying, Archie sang great, but had zero personality and we agreed to go buy souvenirs for the kids during Syesha's set. Castro was what you would expect. That is as diplomatic as I can be. I did enjoy the show, but I will have to decline the offer to repeat these shenanigans in Evansville!)

Job Description

2008-08-20T10:26:00.002-05:00

Your "work" day will include the following:

Lounging on the deck in the sun - for about 5 minutes
Lying on the couch for a couple of hours
Lounging on the deck again - for about 5 minutes
Lying on Sydney's bed for a couple of hours
Afternoon nap under the coffee table
Lounging on the deck - for about 5 minutes
Going for a lovely jaunt around the neighborhood in the evening
Your day may or may not include rummaging through the garbage can
You will end your day with your choice of either lying on a cushion next to the bed
or sneaking into Sydney's room to lie on her soft blanket which falls into the floor every night

Oh? Does this sound like your average day??

Then you must be one of my dogs, Maggie or Holly!

Consider My World Rocked

2008-08-16T21:00:00.002-05:00

Change is almost always good. And it is often hard. I consider myself to be a somewhat easy going, even spontaneous, kind of person. But I swear my new routine is killing me! I have not set an alarm clock in years, not unless we were heading on a fabulous vacation and had to catch an early flight. When our alarm went off at 6:15 last Monday morning, I felt like I had been hit by a truck. Nevertheless, an hour later Sydney was dressed for her first day of Kindergarten, thanks to Mark. And I was dressed for my first day of work. We got to Syd's school on time where we threaded our way through a sea of video camera-carrying dads and teary moms in the kindergarten hallway. She was very brave as we kissed her goodbye, then left her in a room full of small strangers. Mark went on to the "Boo Hoo Breakfast" for the parents of Kindergartners and I hustled across town to the School Board for my orientation.

After two hours of being spoken "down" to (the speaker addressed us as if we were an audience of 1st graders!), I was released to return to the school and start my job. It could not have been a better first day. People went out of their way to introduce themselves to me and make me feel welcome. The office worker that I was for 15 years slowly started to awaken. I found myself falling easily back into the camaraderie that comes from working together. I was briefed on who's who and who doesn't get along with who and most importantly, what we do for lunch.

On the days that I didn't work at the school, I learned the rules of drop off and pick up. It is a well-choreographed operation that takes place every morning and afternoon with buses, cars, hangtags and walkie talkies. I just followed the car in front of me and did whatever they did and hoped they weren't a Kindergarten parent too! By Thursday night, when I laid out our clothes and made our lunches I was truly feeling like I was getting the hang of this new life. "I can do this," I thought to myself.

And then the alarm went off at 6:15 Friday morning - with no consideration for the long night we had, no consideration for the dog who was sick all night or Sydney who kept getting in bed with us or Mark who finally gave up and watched TV in the middle of the night. I just had to chuckle and realize that it may take some time to adjust to this significantly changed schedule.

So I find myself very tired lately. Very tired, but thankful.

News Flash

2008-07-28T23:40:00.004-05:00

I found out today that I got the job. Yeah, I know I didn't tell very many of you that I had interviewed for it. It's a part-time job at Sydney's new school. I'll be an "office assistant" (translation - "makin' copies!") 3 days a week. The principal apologetically told me that it's not a glamorous job and it doesn't pay very well. "Perfect!" I thought to myself. Seriously, that is just perfect for me. I mean, I'm not looking for a career. I already have two: mom and songwriter. I was just looking for a way to help out financially now that Syd will be in Kindergarten. I'm a little nervous to re-enter the work force (can I wear jeans? how will it feel to have a boss again?), but I'm looking forward to the camaraderie. I immediately liked the women who I will be working with. I feel very blessed to have gotten the offer, as there were many applicants. This may sound silly, but it feels really good to be chosen for something! In the songwriting world, getting turned down is something you get used to. Not that you ever LIKE getting turned down, it's just something that comes with the territory.

WHICH brings me to a little point of clarification. Last week when I wrote my two sentence blog, I wasn't trying to be cryptic. I just couldn't give a lot of details because feelings could have been hurt. I CAN tell you that it was a songwriting thing. It had to do with how difficult cuts are to come by in this business and how any and EVERY cut should be appreciated. But I'm over it now. I am trying to gracefully distance myself from the hoopla.

Lately I've been saying that if I wasn't FROM here, I'd be moving home. Maybe that's what this part-time job is for me. A way to take a break and re-group. A change of scenery. In a job where you see results for your hard work.

The weird thing is that the ideas keep coming. Stronger than ever. I guess my muse left a forwarding address.........

More proof that life does not always make sense:

2008-07-18T23:52:00.002-05:00

When someone gets something that means nothing to them - that would have meant the world to you. Go figure.

Honestly

2008-07-10T14:50:00.003-05:00

It's hard to know exactly how to follow last week's post. I feel like that was my Jerry Maguire "mission statement". (Which, by the way, comes pretty close to being the perfect movie in my book: football movie meets chick flick!)

Thank you for your supportive responses. (most in the form of phone calls and emails - you cyber rebels!) It felt good to be honest. After further thought, I've realized that honesty is what this is all about anyway. I mean, I've pretty much been living life how I want to - cooking, raising Sydney, loving Mark, deepening my friendships. And writing when I felt like it. But I told YOU what I thought you wanted to hear. That I was perfectly balancing the writing with the parenting. Pursuing it hard. Competing with the best of them. Truth is, I haven't had anything resembling a "full time" writer's schedule in 5 years. (a little bundle, who I instantly fell in love with, changed all that) I have had seasons of very prolific writing. And seasons of very little writing. But I have done the best that I can do. I have said this before: I hope the seeds that I have sown will take root and grow. I really do. But I can say that it feels good to have hope in the future - whether the future holds musical success, or not.

Now, if I continue to be honest, I have to say that all of this is easier said than done. I met Jennifer for lunch this week. She had read my blog and was graciously hashing things over with me. She caught me in a vulnerable moment. (partially attributed to the fact that I had just come from a kickboxing class where I had to put my head between my knees to keep from passing out! I didn't have the energy to be "upbeat"!) I confessed that I was sad and hurt about how some things in my career turned out. I told her how I was relieved to finally be letting some things go, but I couldn't help feeling a sense of loss. A sense of loss for how I THOUGHT things were supposed to work out. Because I was honest and because I let my guard down, we had one of the best discussions we've had in years. It was like old times. And she had such good perspective. She told me that my marriage is one of the most loving she has ever seen and that Syd is one of the most precious little girls she has ever known. She encouraged me to truly ENJOY my sweet little family.

And that is exactly what I plan to do.

Existence: Justified

2008-07-01T10:11:00.001-05:00

I need to say something publicly. To the four of you. Okay, I think it's more like 20-25 of you who are so kind to read my blog. There is something I've been hearing myself say a lot lately. Maybe I've said it to you. I will be in a conversation and will say, "When Sydney starts Kindergarten in the Fall I will be able to have a normal writing schedule! I plan to write 3 or 4 days a week!" And inside I'm going, "Are you crazy?? I do NOT want to write anywhere near that much! Not songs, anyway." I think I say it to justify my existence. To prove that I'm a "professional writer." If I'm honest, I have to tell you that my heart pounds when I think about Syd starting Kindergarten. I don't often acknowledge how fulfilling it is being her mom. What I'm looking at is five long days a week. 8:00 to 3:00. I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands. And now that I have time to do what I THOUGHT I wanted to do, I'm not so sure it's what I want anymore.

Don't get me wrong. I will always be a songwriter. But I am re-defining exactly what that means for my life. When I was in California, I was telling Jules that there's something I love about the Hollywood mentality. Work hard for 3 or 4 months and then take a couple months off. It's the ebb and flow. I have loved writing for Julie's project. Writing FOR something. For me, it's so much more gratifying than writing just because I have an appointment. Again, don't get me wrong. I love writing when there's inspiration and a great idea, but I can't (won't, really) keep scheduling appointments just because it's what I think I should be doing.

So, here's the more accurate version of what next year will look like for me: I will write songs when I want to. When I feel like it. With my friends. And there will be times that I get inspired and will pull out my guitar and write some things by myself. I will spend a lot of time at Sam & Zoe's - blogging and writing fiction. And I will cook. Have I mentioned how much I love to cook? Probably not, because that doesn't sound very "cool." But I love it. I love dicing up garlic, onion, peppers and broccoli and stir frying them and concocting new sauces for my Chinese dishes. I love cooking my mom's recipes that she has lovingly written down for me in a cookbook. And I love cooking for other people. I love having people on our deck and in our kitchen and dining room. I love taking dinner to people who need a little help. Yes, there will be lots of cooking come Fall.

But I imagine next year will be busy. Much busier than I'm anticipating now. Jules' record will take off and I think (no, I BELIEVE) we will get some big film and television placements. We have purposely put all of our eggs in one basket. We have chosen to do things very differently than how they do it on Music Row. Things COULD still happen for me on Music Row. But it won't be because I have knocked myself out and jumped through hoops. I've been there, done that.

And down deep, I DO believe my existence is justified. According to God, anyway. And Mark and Sydney.

A Nun's Wisdom

2008-06-25T11:53:00.000-05:00

Thirty three thousand feet above the rolling hills of Tennessee, anything seemed possible. It was two days ago and I was on a plane flying back from California. Julie and I had a great time. We had a good meeting with Northstar, we dreamed about the future and we shot some video footage. We drank wine and ate at little outdoor cafes and agreed it was the calm before the storm. The air crackled with possibility.

As the plane made its descent, I ached for Sydney and Mark, who would soon be in my arms. It felt so good to be HOME. But I can't say it felt great to be back in Nashville. Even before my baggage came, I was already thinking about all the things I should be doing. I should be playing my guitar. I don't have any writing sessions planned for this week and I really should be writing. I should be writing songs by myself. I should be going out to more shows. I should be networking more. Should, should, should.

I put all this pressure on myself. It is so hard to separate my life from my career. Even sitting here at Sam and Zoe's today, I am inundated by music business talk as snatches of conversations float my way. It makes me feel competitive. It makes me feel behind. But in reality, I have worked SO hard the past year and a half. At some point I have to trust that those seeds I've planted will grow. And will be something beautiful. There will always be something else I could or should be doing. But I wish I could enjoy my day to day life more. If only I could just let go of the "shoulds" and wholeheartedly go to the zoo with Syd and the art museum and cook for my friends and family and sit on the deck and catch up with my sweetheart.

I just remembered something that I can apply to my life through this stretch. In Brennan Manning's book "Lion and Lamb:the Relentless Tenderness of Jesus" he tells of a nun who greatly impacted his life. His favorite quote from her?

"Don't SHOULD on yourself!"

Amen, Sister!

Bittersweet

2008-06-14T21:15:00.000-05:00

Have you noticed how the bad things happen right alongside the good things? I used to find it unnerving. But the older I get, I think I am just thankful that the good things are there at all. Here's what's on my mind:

I am very sad about the passing of Tim Russert. What a well-loved man. I'm glad his family got to spend time with him in Italy. And I'm glad he got to meet with the Pope. Apparently he collapsed while working on voice overs for Meet The Press. He truly LIVED right up until the moment of his death. And that inspires me. But I'm mostly just sad.

Mark and I laughed very hard today. Sydney and I had gone Father's Day shopping and to the Y and to Publix. I kept reminding Syd that the present was a secret until tomorrow. So we got home and I told Mark, "Hey, honey, I got you a little treat - one of those key lime pies from Publix!" And then, without missing a beat, Sydney goes, "AND we got you a WATCH from Target!" Mark and I couldn't stop chuckling in the kitchen while Sydney stood there looking at us asking, "What!? What's so funny??"

We are becoming friends with a family from Sydney's preschool. Meghan has breast cancer. Really bad. She is going through chemo before they can even do the surgery. Vivian is 3 and Will is 1. Bill is doing everything in his power to hold his little family together. It just occurred to me why Syd insisted on buying a head wrap at Target today. She was admiring Meghan's the other day. She also was admiring her bald head. Please pray for them if you think about it!

I wrote a MELODY the other night. Me, the lyricist. Just heard it in my head and plunked it out on my guitar. Making me think I have built this thing up in my mind to be a bigger deal than it really is. See, I had this delightful new co-writer from Pennsylvania on Thursday. (she reminds me of you, Elizabeth) After solving the world's problems for a couple hours, we wrote a lyric together. A good one. Such a good one that this little melody started haunting me. Laurie, my co-writer, was then able to "pick" it on the guitar - taking it to another level. (not that there's anything wrong with intermittent, clumsy strumming!) Next stop - writing a song, in its entirety, by myself!

See what I mean? Good, bad, good, bad. And so it goes.

There is a scene in one of my favorite movies, Shadowlands, where C.S. Lewis (played brilliantly by Anthony Hopkins) is lamenting the inevitability of his sick wife, Joy's, death. Joy (played by Debra Winger) says something to the effect of "but don't you see? The sadness THEN is because of the happiness NOW."

Life is bittersweet, indeed. But I can safely say that my life is way more sweet than bitter.

Parallel Life

2008-06-01T23:26:00.001-05:00

After a year of anticipation, our vacation in Rosemary Beach is over. Just like that. I don't know where nine days went. One beautiful, sunny day melted into the next. And suddenly we found ourselves cleaning out the refrigerator and eating all the frozen things from the freezer. As Mama, Sydney and I consumed pizza and ice cream and fresh corn on the cob that last night, I vowed that next year we'll stay longer.

It was a weird year anyway. It was our third year to go to Rosemary, but this year Mark only stayed for half the week. Exciting stuff is happening in his world. It's just that the timing was a little unfortunate. Mark's first day of his new job at his OWN company is tomorrow. So he spent the latter part of last week moving furniture and computers and office supplies into this quaint, old house on Music Row. (Go check out hearitfirst.com) It's the beginning of a new era.

But if we could live a parallel life, we'd still be in Rosemary. You roll into town and the pace slows. And it is so beautiful. Sally went with us for the first half of the week and she said it reminded her of Italy! The biggest decisions we had to make every day were whether to go to the beach or the pool and where to eat dinner. It's like living in a movie. Kids ride their bikes all over town. Sydney feels like she owns the place. She is so comfortable there.

One night we sat at our favorite sidewalk cafe with David and Shelley and their extended family. The restaurant is right next to "the Western Green" and the ocean is just beyond that. As the sun slipped into the Gulf of Mexico, we watched as grown-ups milled around with glasses of wine and children ran and played on the green. We ate and drank and told stories. And laughed. It was a perfect night.

Shelley called when they got back this afternoon. To commiserate. She said, "One of us has GOT to get rich so we can stay down there all summer!" Amen, sister!

It's back to work for us tomorrow. But in a parallel life we're asking one another, "So, do you want to go to the beach or to the pool today? And what's for dinner?!"

The Day After A Bad Day

2008-05-13T23:17:00.000-05:00

We had the swim lesson from Hell yesterday. Sydney has suddenly decided she is terrified of the water. Skills that came easily to her last year, even last week, now reduce her to tears. And I handled it exactly opposite of how I should have. I yelled at her. I demanded to know, "what is WRONG with you?" I took it personally. I couldn't understand why she couldn't just trust that I wouldn't let anything happen to her. I couldn't believe how irrational she was!

Um, yeah, she's FIVE. Irrationality is pretty much a pre-requesite for the job. And then, as if the swim lesson wasn't enough, we got home and she refused to eat her dinner. Mark said she had to go straight to bed if she didn't eat the tiny serving of rice on her plate. Again, she cried and acted like rice was the worst tasting food in the world. She loved rice just last week. She opted to go to bed instead of choke down the offending rice.

In her absence, the night was very long. And I slunk around feeling like the worst mom in the world. I went walking with Susan, who used to teach swimming lessons to young children. She said it is very normal for some children to be fearful and to regress. This made me feel better. And worse. Maybe it is normal for a child to suddenly be afraid of the water, but is it normal for a mom to lose it with the child?!

So I tried to make it up to her today. We went to McDonald's and to the zoo after school. I even agreed to go with her into the Lorikeet habitat. As brightly colored birds swooped dangerously close to my face, I realized that this day was more for me than it was for her. Because she had already forgiven me. I felt it when I snuggled her back into bed in the middle of the night. She put her plump little arm around my neck and said, "Mama, you're the best mom ever!"

McDonald's and the zoo are a feeble attempt compared to a declaration like that.

Seven Months Later

2008-05-01T13:31:00.000-05:00

Seven months ago, blogs and blogging were a mystery to me. Now I can say that I have embraced this medium wholeheartedly. I love putting my own thoughts "out there" and I love "eavesdropping" on other peoples' thoughts.

I have tried to be honest. As honest as I can be in a public format. Like I said in my very first blog, I would die if someone were to read the journals of my youth. The musings of my adulthood are not quite as dramatic or heartbroken. Then again, I have purposely NOT blogged on a bad day. Maybe that would be a good exercise sometime. For now, I wanted to take a look at how my goals for the year are coming along.

I said I would write 100 pages of fiction for my novel this year. (October to October - my birth month) Well, that hasn't happened yet. Not one page. But my friend Joel and I have started a writers' group. The fiction writing is still on my radar. It is still a goal.

I said I would write 2 short stories. I've written one 10-page short story!! And it felt wonderful. (thanks, Joel) I feel like it gave me the fiction bug. Makes those 100 pages seem less daunting.

I said I would blog regularly and find other outlets for my non-fiction writing. This goal is on schedule too. I have blogged somewhat regularly and it looks like I will be writing a column for our church newsletter, The Branch, about the blogs of our parishioners. More to come on that as it materializes.

I said I would play one writer's night by my next birthday, which would mean playing my guitar more. My heart races as I write that one. Maybe if I was actually playing my guitar and practicing my singing..........sigh. I did see my guitar teacher, Ellen Britton, in Kroger's dairy aisle last weekend. She absolved me of "working up" all my old stuff and gave me permission to move on to the new stuff. And she raved about Elizabeth and thanked me for sending her. Elizabeth WILL be doing writers' nights before long! I give myself a "needs improvement" on this goal! I'll keep you posted.

I said I would write 3 songs by myself. I did start a song. Lyrics and melody. It's stored in my "garage band" to be revisited later. This goal still seems doable. Since I've been writing a lot lately, I'm becoming aware that I have more melody sensibilities than I thought I did. Ellen (the guitar teacher) used to always tell me, "Julie, you don't have a guitar problem! You have a confidence problem!" Indeed. That applies to many areas of my life. But I'm getting better. Right, Kirsten?

And then things happened that weren't on my list. All pleasant surprises. The North Star Media Film & Television deal. Finding out that I have over half the songs on Julianna Cole's new record. (You'll be hearing about her. She is up and COMING.) Writing with Phil Madeira. Feeling a little bit of new life breathed into my country song-writing career. I am learning to expect the unexpected. In a good way.

Seven months later, I am still trying to find the balance between being Mark's wife, Syd's Mama, a country writer, pop/rock writer, non-fiction and fiction writer. I don't always do the balancing act as gracefully as I would like, but I am happy to say that, for now, all the plates are spinning.

New Blood

2008-04-14T23:00:00.000-05:00

I have found a new co-writer. Which is not easy to do. It is much more common to get in a room with someone and find that you just don't connect.

What is equally astounding to me is that he is someone I have been intimidated by for years. Well, I guess I shouldn't say "intimidated". That says more about my baggage than about him. But he's one of those music business veterans. And he's one of the cool guys. We have struck up a friendship because we go to the same church. And because he is now dating a woman I have known since childhood.

I would have never approached him about writing together. It was his idea. Two weeks later, we are working on our 5th song. Jules has joined us on the last two. I was nervous about that, as well, because I so wanted them to hit it off. I worried for nothing because his publishers LOVE our first song together. Chalk it up to good chemistry.

I don't think I truly realized how dry I was creatively until I experienced this unexpected breath of fresh air.

To experience this breath of fresh air for yourself, go to www.myspace.com/philmadeira

Blogger's Block?

2008-03-30T18:46:00.000-05:00

We were having dinner with David and Shelley a couple of nights ago and Shelley said, "I'm so sorry I haven't read your blog lately - things have just been really crazy!" I told her not to worry about it, that I haven't blogged in over a month.

"I guess I have writer's block," I said.

And she said, "Don't you mean BLOGGER's block?!"

Yes, I think that's close to what I have. But it's not that I don't have anything to write about. I think it's that I have too MUCH to write about. It's all swirling around in my head. I haven't known where to begin.

Do I begin by telling you about the not one, but TWO bulging discs in my neck?? And how I went to the Emergency Room because I was in such pain, but all I got there were some muscle relaxers and a nasty stomach virus??

Or maybe I start on a more positive note and tell you that I have just signed a "placement agreement" with a film and television company in Los Angeles. Turns out that they love the songs that Jules and I (along with Jeff, Elizabeth, etc.) have been working on for the past year and want to "pitch" them for film, television and advertisements.

I could tell you how excited I am that Jules' record is finished! When I get clearance from her, I'll post the web address for her website. And you'll be able to go see her video on YouTube soon!

And I can't wait to tell you about the exciting developments in Mark's world. He has some big things going on and I have never been more proud of him.

Oh, and there's the writers' group that Joel and I have started! We have to have a 10 page short story finished in the next week or so. Did I mention that Joel is not only a very accomplished songwriter, but he has written THREE novels?? Nerve wracking? You bet! But also extremely inspiring and motivating.

I almost blogged after our anniversary get-away. Mark took me to the Sandestin Hilton in Destin, FL a couple of weeks ago. It was just wonderful. Perfect. As romantic as the beach was, my favorite moment had to be driving home talking about what lies ahead for both of us. For all three of us.

I started formulating some thoughts during our discussion. I might as well try to express them, take them out, try them on for size.

You see, right now, on the cusp of these new opportunities, anything is possible. There is something so real and so raw about the unknown. I have never been good at predicting the future. I almost always underestimate it. But I am learning. We are taking the leap and there is just as much likelihood of soaring success as there is of crashing to the canyon floor below. Sometimes you've just got to go for it.

When I was considering quitting my "day job" eight years ago a wise friend of mine, John Mays, said something that I will never forget. He said, "Julie, you know that scene in the third Indiana Jones movie where Indy has to cross that deep cavern, but there is no visible bridge? Well, as soon as he took the first step out into the abyss, the bridge magically appeared beneath his feet. And that's what it's like when you step out in faith to follow your dreams. You just have to take a deep breath, step out, and trust that your dreams will materialize."

Going after your dreams is not for the faint of heart. So many of my friends and family members who read this blog fall into the brave category. You know who you are. I am so proud of you all. I encourage everyone who reads this to venture into the uncharted territory. Come out on the precipice with us. Our hearts are racing, but the view is spectacular!

Cabin Fever

2008-02-28T16:46:00.000-06:00

The official diagnosis is The Flu. Official because Sydney's pediatrician now has a "flu test". He swabbed her nostril (she cried) and we waited 10 minutes for the results which came back "positive". When the doctor left the room Sydney said, "Mama, you said they weren't going to do anything else to me!" She had already been subjected to the strep throat swab and we both thought that would be the worst of it. I'm glad she didn't have strep throat, but at least she would have gotten the "pink medicine"! We missed the 48 hour window for the flu medicine, so we were left to stave off the 102 and 103 degree temperatures with Ibuprofen and Tylenol.

And then suddenly she was better - just two days in. She was back to her regular, energetic self. She was trying to put fairy wings on Maggie the dog. She was jumping rope up and down the hallway. She had challenged me to video games (and beat me hands down! Well, okay, so I have a little better grasp on odd and even numbers than she does, so I did win that one!) This was yesterday. I thought for sure she'd wake up with no fever today and I could even consider sending her to school.

102 degrees! And still raring to go. Talking a mile a minute. Ibuprofen once again brought her fever right down, and I'm scratching my head wondering how fever can be her only symptom.

So I've got two more days with my (healthy) sick child. According to most school guidelines, you can't even think about sending your child to school until they have been "fever free" for 24 hours!

So we'll keep our germs to ourselves. And Maggie and Holly Dog will have to buck up and be patient with the fairy wings, tiaras and necklaces for a couple more days!

Duma Key

2008-02-20T11:14:00.000-06:00

I read the new Stephen King novel, Duma Key, over the long weekend. I couldn't stop. I'm embarrassed at how long I let Syd play her video game on President's Day, with me sitting there turning the pages like a mad woman and her saying incredulously, "Mama, can I REALLY play again??" By then, it was too late to be reasonable about it. Even when it got scary toward the middle, I was too hooked to put it down. And it is SO well-written. There is humor right alongside the creepy ghost ship scenes.

This book is about life imitating art - literally! The main character is in a terrible accident at a construction sight. He wakes up in the hospital with a scrambled brain, a missing right arm and the uncanny ability to change reality through his painting.

Brilliant. And even though it did scare me a little, it was also brilliant how it suddenly turned into a ghost story.

I loaned my copy to Sydney's teacher, Ms. Tracy. At first she told me she didn't like scary books, but when I said "oh, it's nothing like say - the Shining!" She said that she loved The Shining and it didn't scare her at all.

Okay then. Duma Key might seem like Mary Had A Little Lamb to her! But I was pleasantly surprised by my first Stephen King novel.

On Writing

2008-02-14T10:45:00.000-06:00

Stephen King is my new favorite author. And I haven't read a single one of his novels. However, I just finished his book about writing called "On Writing".

My friend Elizabeth had recommended it to me a long time ago, but I just wasn't interested because I'm not a fan. Or so I thought. When I finally gave in and read it, "On Writing" was inspiring, funny, practical and very, very honest. There are books that Steve hardly remembers even writing because he was so drunk when he wrote them. He describes the poverty and struggle and success and alcoholism in detail. Watching his story unfold, I was reminded again that there is something within creative people that is broken. Or at least within me and a lot of my creative friends (you know who you are!) We fight contentment. We often shy away from the light.

As I read "On Writing" I started wondering if maybe the ability to see the darkness, to write from it, is a gift. I think what I mean by "darkness" is just the day to day disappointment and angst of being human. The common struggle. In a fallen world. Darkness feels more honest to me and honest writing is, I believe, more compelling. People don't go around feigning sadness, but how often do we meet someone "putting on a brave face", feigning happiness? That's boring to me. I want the nitty gritty of what's really going on.

Well, that whole darkness thing was sort of a tangent. I wanted to tell you my favorite thing Stephen King said in the book. He said that great writers not only write a lot, the READ a lot. He reads around 80 books a year. Those of you who know me well, know this was music to my ears. I love to read. It is an obsession. Maybe I can now take it out of the "luxury" category! I HAVE to read. Stephen King said so.

And now I will start my first novel by my favorite author. Maybe I'll give you a book report on his new 600 pager, called Duma Key!

Rodney, Part 2

2008-02-05T10:08:00.000-06:00

WSIX played Rodney's new George Strait single on the radio this morning. There is a segment that disc jockey, Gerry House, does called "You Be The Judge". He plays a brand new single and then listeners call in and rate the song on a scale of 1 to 10. The name of the song is "I Saw God Today" and the listeners LOVED it. They gave it all 10s (and even a couple of 20s!)

And then I sat in the car at Sam & Zoe's with the rain drizzling down the windshield talking on the phone to Rodney. I had, of course, called him as soon as the song came on, but had gotten his voice mail. He called back and said that he had, indeed, heard his song because Nicolle has been getting up and turning on the radio in the mornings. It was one of those phone conversations that catapulted me back in time.

It was May of 2002 and I was in Rodney's home town, Gruver, Texas on a writing trip. He was still farming full-time and making monthly trips to Nashville. I think we wrote a couple of pretty good songs, but what made the biggest impression on me was when Rodney took me out to his family's farm. The panhandle had been experiencing one of the worst droughts in recent history and farming was not going well at all. We stood in the cornfield and he showed me how the corn stalks were only about half the size that they should be. I remember saying something to the effect of, "Well, Rodney, I predict that there will come a day when your songs will pay the bills and you won't even have to farm anymore!"

I'll never forget the image of Rodney reaching down and picking up a clump of hardened sod. He crushed it in his hand, and as dust fell through his fingers and to the ground, he said, "Julie, I appreciate the way you've always believed in me, but right now the hope for my songwriting is as dry as this dirt."

Today, back in the present, I just had to smile as Rodney, who quit farming two years ago, casually used words like "George Strait", "highest debut" and "great reviews". Furthermore, he keeps hearing reports that people are MOVED by the song. I won't give away what it's about, but it would seem that God is using this song to touch people.

This is all so encouraging to me. The thing is, if something is meant to be, it will be. I will work as hard as I can and I will believe as much as I can. The rest is out of my hands.

I guess you could say, right here at Sam and Zoe's, in the pouring down rain, I saw God today.

Acknowledgment

2008-01-26T16:54:00.000-06:00

It was a sell-out crowd at the Bluebird Cafe Thursday night. We were crammed into the "church pew" section because we had not been able to get a table. As it was a benefit for Alive Hospice, "big names" were to perform in the round. The songs would run the gamut from "Live Like You Were Dying" to "Bette Davis Eyes". I had no expectations for Rodney to sing our Jason Aldean cut. After all, he has accumulated quite the repertoire of radio hits (Lost In This Moment by Big & Rich, Amarillo Sky by Jason Aldean and Sweet Southern Comfort by Buddy Jewell, to name a few.) But about half-way through the show he introduces his next song by saying, "this next song I wrote years ago with my dear friend, Julie Adkison. She's sitting right back there with her husband, next to my wife. She was one of my first co-writers and this is one of my favorite songs I've ever written. We're still crossing our fingers that it's going to be on the radio........" At this point all the other performers were feigning shock that he would play something that was not a hit, since everything else he had played up to that point had at least made it to the top 5 on the country radio charts. He quieted the laughing and chiding with the best performance of "Do You Wish It Was Me" I have ever heard him give. The audience even started whooping and clapping after the first verse and chorus. In that moment, I felt true gratification. Afterwards, I told Rodney that even if the song is never a radio single, that moment was enough for me.

See, there were a number of my peers and colleagues in the audience that night. I shouldn't care what they think of me, but I do and it felt good to be recognized in that way. Acknowledgment is one thing. Public acknowledgment is another thing all together. And I appreciate it more than you know, Rodney. Thank you, my friend.

(I later came to my senses and am once again neurotically agonizing over the shallow promise of "the next single.")

(I'm kidding!)

(sort of)

If you want to go check out Rodney's MySpace it's www.myspace.com/rodneyclawsonmusic

Aussie Influence

2008-01-22T10:20:00.000-06:00

I'm supposed to be writing/catching up with my dear, Australian friend, Michelle Tumes, today. But she ended up postponing her trip to Nashville because the opportunity came up to write for a Disney movie in Los Angeles, where she now lives. I have not seen her in 5 years and had not heard from her in 2 years until she emailed last week. We lived together 10 years ago - along with my sister, Betsy and another friend, Elisa. In the last couple of days, as she's been on my mind, it has occurred to me what a huge impact she had on my life in just one year of being roommates.

1997 was a very tumultuous year for me. I had just turned 30 and was coming to grips with the reality of still being single in my 30's. My job as a music publisher was causing me intense stress, especially since my own desire to write songs was awakening. It was the perfect year to live with someone whose life theme is peacefulness.

When I think of Shelley or hear her music, I think of our sun porch and hot lattes and conversations stretching late into the night. I think of our dining room table crowded with friends, laden with beautiful food and really good wine. I think of how she longed for the beaches of Australia and how she resisted the pace of life here in the States. I smile when I remember her cousin coming for a "short visit". He stayed for 6 weeks! Because that's what Australians do. They go on holiday. They just take off work for a month or two so they can travel and rest and enjoy life.

Shelley also introduced me to her church. When I first attended St. B's with her, I thought it was the most reverent, accepting, peaceful place I had ever been. Now, all these years later, Mark, Syd and I have made it our home church. And it is still the most reverent, accepting, peaceful place I have ever been!

When I think of what a perfect day is to me, it always involves a bottle of wine, soothing music, good conversation and an ocean view. Sounds pretty Australian, doesn't it?

(if you would like to sample a slice of this peacefulness, I highly encourage you to go to iTunes and check out Michelle Tumes' music!)

Holding An Old Friend

2008-01-17T13:52:00.000-06:00

My fingertips have that familiar sting. This is the consequence of neglecting my guitar for such a long time. A couple of days ago something just came over me. I had the sudden urge to cut off my fingernails, tune my guitar and resurrect my repertoire.

It always amazes me that my fingers remember where to go. A few days ago, I tried to picture in my head how to play a G chord. I couldn't think. I could see the shape my hand should make, but could not have told you which strings to mash down. When I picked up my guitar, my fingers went immediately to the chord. Five minutes later I was flipping the pages of my notebook re-visiting song after song.

Which brings me to WHY I would even want to subject myself to playing a writer's night before my next birthday. You see, I haven't had very many cuts. Maybe 7 or 8 of my songs have gone on to have their own "life". But I have written close to 150. There are probably 20 that are near and dear to my heart. These are the ones I have learned to play. These are the ones that I will "perform" someday. I am not guaranteed another cut - ever. But I didn't write these songs just to have them sit in a drawer somewhere. If I can learn to play and sing them, then they will be heard.

That's all I really want. I want what I have written to be heard. It's so easy to become jaded in this town. So easy to become hardened and to stop believing. I welcome the calluses that will soon form on my fingertips, but I will try hard this time not to have a callused heart.

Copycat

2008-01-09T17:10:00.000-06:00

Okay, I know I haven't blogged yet this year, but I was in the mood to post SOMETHING, so I copied my friend Joel who got the idea from his friend Belinda..........they are veteran bloggers so I figured if THEY did it, I could too............

FOUR THINGS:

Four jobs I have had in my life:
Song Plugger
Temp receptionist at Fenders and More (car parts, not a law firm!)
Ski Lift Operator
Personal Assistant

Four movies I would watch over and over:
Ocean's Eleven (Twelve and Thirteen - not so much)
Can't Buy Me Love (I like to think I discovered Patrick Dempsey!)
Romancing The Stone
Die Hard (the first one!)

Four places I have lived:
Abilene, Texas
Auburn, Alabama
Telluride, Colorado
Wilmington, Delaware

Four TV Shows that I Watch:
Lost
Biggest Loser
Life
Dog Whisperer

Four places I have been:
Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
Vancouver, Canada
Nassau, Bahamas
Gruver, TX

Four of my favorite foods:
Chicken Massamun Curry at Jasmine
Sesame Chicken from China Town
My mom's cornbread dressing
Soup!

Four things I am looking forward to this year:
My sister's new baby!
Being the healthiest I have ever been
Playing my guitar
Going to Rosemary Beach

Well, that was fun! I'd love to know some of your "fours" too! Put them in "Comments" or you can call or email me - since so many of you are averse to commenting! (I get it - I'm the same way - more of a "lurker"!)

"Real" blog to come soon!

Happy New Year!!

The Closest I'll Get To A Sermon

2007-12-14T12:30:00.000-06:00

It just doesn't FEEL like Christmas. This is what I keep saying to people. I'm not sure exactly what I'm wanting to feel. For starters, the 70 degree weather we had at the beginning of this week was no help. There is something wrong with running the air conditioner in my car while Christmas lights twinkle on my neighbors' bushes. And then we had a wreck. I was taking Sydney to the dentist when we were rammed by two young guys in an old, beat up car, neither of whom had car insurance OR driver's licenses. "Merry Christmas," I grumbled to myself.

"Mama, it was just an accident, wasn't it?" Sydney asked.

"Bah humbug!" I thought to myself.

I AM thankful that Sydney and I were okay. Mark came to our rescue. The guys were begging me not to call the police so I figured I'd let him come down and "deal with them."

We switched cars and I rushed Syd on to the dentist because, when given the chance to reschedule, I had retorted "oh no, we're getting SOMETHING out of this trip. I didn't take my daughter out of school just to go have a wreck!" We raced from the dentist back to school to pick up Sydney's friend and hurry on to McDonald's to meet some more little girls. My head was throbbing and my body was starting to feel sore. To be honest, I was still pretty irritated by the whole thing.

And then I talked to Mark. Mark let the guys go. He didn't call the police. Turns out they were in town from Michigan doing some construction work to make money for Christmas. One of the guys had a five year old son. Whatever they had done to lose their licenses, at least they were trying to be responsible now. "I just couldn't ruin someone's life right here at Christmas by having them thrown in jail or something," Mark told me.

"That's why I love you," I told him. And to myself "I bet THEY feel like it's Christmas!"

As I've processed all of this the last couple of days, I decided to "bust" myself for whining that it doesn't "feel" like Christmas.

No matter how I feel, it does not change the fact that the Christmas story happened. As we sat at the Point Of Grace Christmas concert a few nights ago, the most touching moment came when special guest, Scott Krippayne, sang Sydney's favorite worship song "Here I Am To Worship". Her little face just lit up. She had only heard it in the car (100 times). As she opened her mouth and sang with all her heart, "light of the world, you stepped down into darkness..................all for love's sake became poor" I was struck by the "Christmas" message in the familiar words. It's about a fallen world and a Light of hope. Things were set in motion on that night when Jesus was born that would change the course of history. Those things are still in effect today.

Whether I can FEEL them, or not.

Goodbye, Jerry

2007-12-09T21:24:00.000-06:00

Pat and Jerry happen to own the seats next to ours at the Titans games. They are about the age of my parents and we don't have that much in common with them. Although Pat and I often shared polite conversation, Jerry was very quiet and kept to himself at first. We were well into our second season together before he finally started "high-fiving" with Mark and some of the other guys. Sometime last season Pat confided in me that Jerry had been diagnosed with cancer. He never looked or acted sick. Not even at the one or two games he came to this season. The last words I said to Jerry, back in September were, "we'll see you at the end of the season - at the last game!" He was about to have bone marrow transplant surgery and the recovery would keep him away from his beloved Titans games until late December. I am sorry to say that I found out today at the game that he died last month. We sat next to his son today and he told us that Jerry just never got healthy enough to have the surgery that could have saved his life. I feel so bad for Pat. I could tell that she and Jerry had a great friendship. They truly enjoyed going to those Titans games together.

I took it pretty hard. I know I looked visibly shocked when Jerry's son (I think his name is Lee) gave us the news. How do you grieve the loss of an acquaintance? I couldn't believe he was gone. I immediately put myself in Pat's shoes and felt the sadness wash over me. And here it is the holiday season.

I emailed Pat when we got home from the game. I told her I was so glad to have known Jerry. And I meant it. Because the truth is that somewhere over the course of two and a half football seasons, after sharing victory and defeat, touch downs and interceptions, we became more than acquaintances. He was our fellow Titans fanatic. And that made him our friend.

Goodbye, Jerry. You will be missed.

The Labrador Effect

2007-12-05T10:37:00.000-06:00

No one in our house is getting much sleep these days. Who would've thought one yellow, lab-mix canine could so upset the delicate balance of our sleep patterns. Maggie has quite suddenly decided that she VERY MUCH wants to sleep in Sydney's room. I can't for the life of me figure out why sneaking up (and shedding) on the couch isn't good enough for her anymore. I really don't mind if Maggie sleeps in Sydney's room. She just seems to want to curl up next to the bed on a nest of dress-up clothes. The thing is that Sydney VERY MUCH does NOT want Maggie in her room. So here's what happens: Maggie opens Syd's door and starts to circle and make herself at home - which wakes Sydney up. Sydney hops out of bed and comes and gets in bed with me and Mark. She will stay until either I feel claustrophobic or she kicks Mark in the ribs - whichever comes first. One of us will then escort her back to her bed. When it is my shift, I lie in bed with her until I think she's fallen back asleep. Then I attempt to sneak out. I say "attempt" because it often takes more than one try. I will swear that she's out, but nine times out of ten she will catch me as soon as I stand up. When I finally make it back to bed, I lie there anticipating the next cycle of this middle of the night "musical beds" game that we play. I'm usually irritated by it all. I take my sleep very seriously. However, a couple of nights ago I laughed to myself as I lay there thinking about my very polite, timid dog, who wouldn't ever MEAN to put anybody out. As I drifted off to sleep the thought running through my head went something like this: if a yellow dog wags her tail in Tennessee.......does she trigger a hurricane somewhere on the other side of the world? Or maybe it's wide-spread bouts of sleeplessness that she triggers!

Theologians, A Losing Streak and The Christmas Corner

2007-11-28T00:00:00.000-06:00

I don't have anything specific that I want to talk about. I just feel like it's time for me to write another blog. I've been "researching" other people's blogs and quite honestly, I'm intimidated! Apparently, I didn't get the memo about being some kind of theologian if you want to write a blog. I struggled for about a week, trying to come up with something of redeeming spiritual value to bestow upon you. But the thing I keep coming back to is that I just have to be myself. If I accidentally say something inspirational, well, praise the Lord.

It is now official that the Titans are on a losing streak. They've lost 3 games in a row (please be advised that if the Titans were still on a winning streak, I would refer to them as "we" - as in "we WERE on a winning streak") Someday I would like to do some kind of human behavior study on sports fans. I cannot explain to you why I take it so hard when we lose (ahem, when THEY lose!) I mean, I don't KNOW them. It's like I share in all of the disappointment, but NONE of the outlandish NFL salaries that cushion the blow of defeat. Sigh. I don't know. I've said it before: I am NOT a good fan!

Well, Christmas is here. But isn't it still November?? I felt weird deliberating over Christmas decorations at Michael's today - at first. Jules and I ran in "for a quick 10 minutes" to grab a few things on the way to the studio. FORTY minutes later we lugged garland, ornaments and a neon green mini Christmas tree (for Syd's room) to the car. So I turned the corner. The Christmas corner. I remember having a dilemma in high school one year about whether it was too early in the season to give Gayla a Christmas sweatshirt for her birthday. Her birthday is December 7th!!!!! In this day and age, we've already had the tree up for two weeks, been to 3 parties and are already thinking about New Year's Eve by then!! The downside of this early celebration is trying to explain to little Sydney that no, it's NOT Christmas yet, it's the Christmas SEASON. I've explained this to her 10 times a day since Thanksgiving. Bless her little heart - I guess we have four more weeks of her excited exclamations of "Mama, look at the lights! Is it Christmas?? Is it Christmas right NOW??"

Those are my random thoughts for now. Maybe I will return soon with more organized thoughts!

A Little Perspective

2007-11-13T21:31:00.000-06:00

Oh. My. Goodness! Disney World is overwhelming - and mostly in a GOOD way. Mostly. I think it's going to take a few days for me to process it all. We've been home for a few hours and I am still reeling. And I'm feeling like maybe it's time to go get in line for something! I did my research. Early to mid November was supposed to be the second slowest time of year at Disney World. HA! Turns out I forgot about Veteran's Day. The Orlando area schools were out on Monday, so EVERYONE decided to take a little weekend trip to Disney. Plus - it is a big military holiday (duh!) - and a lot of servicemen and women are given extra time off around Veteran's Day. And where do they go?? Why yes, the Magic Kingdom, of course!

My inclination is to report all the things I wish we had done differently. That is what keeps whirling around in my mind. So let's pretend I have already regaled you with stories of crowds, hour-long shuttle rides and mad dashes to the potty (at the most inopportune times through throngs of people).

If I only had the good things left to tell you, I would tell you about the perfect weather. I would tell you how Sydney's face lit up when she met Cinderella and how she kept asking if I could still see Ariel's "kiss" (bright red lipstick) on her forehead hours after Ariel kissed her. I would talk about dinner at the castle, followed by a Christmas party in the park. I would mention the Christmas parade and how snow fell on Main Street. I would tell you that the castle shimmered with a million lights that changed from blue to silver to purple as the fireworks rained down in the most breath-taking display I have ever seen.

I would tell you about the nicest family we met on the shuttle. The dad is in the Air Force and had been in Iraq for 4 months. He is home for two weeks (unexpectedly, to attend a seminar). I would tell you how honored I was to share in the mom's excitement at having her husband home. I would tell you how cute it was that the 5 year old and 1 1/2 year old were all over their Daddy - and how he was loving every minute. I would tell you how proud I was when Mark thanked him for his service to our country.

I would tell you that next week he will return to Iraq for 8 more months.

I would tell you how that puts everything in perspective.

I can tell you that I am grateful I got to share the magic of Disney World with people I love. And I can tell you that our Air Force friends feel the same way.

The Calm

2007-11-07T11:17:00.000-06:00

As I sit here writing this blog, sun pours through my dining room window. Holly Dog sits beside me, nodding off as she soaks in the warmth. The dryer is humming, the kitchen is clean and I am at peace. For now. I recognize this strange calm. And it makes me nostalgic - peacefully nostalgic. That is, if it's even possible to be nostalgic about events that haven't even occurred yet. In two days we will take Sydney on her first trip to Disney World. She just has no idea what is in store for her. I am already bracing myself for the chaos, as well as the tender memories that are just around the corner. I am steeling myself for the stress of modern day air travel, for the absurdity of creeping sock footed through security with booster seat, stroller, computer and 4 year old in tow. I have been casually packing for two days. Don't be too impressed. It's really not like me to already be half packed. And it's actually working against me. The presence of the suitcases in our bedroom floor has set the dogs on edge. They click around nervously, following me from room to room, fearing our departure. But a week from now it will all be over. The Disney World flurry will be replaced by the Thanksgiving flurry. Mark's family will come to town and join my family for the festivities. It will be crazy with all the kids, but nothing does my heart better than having all my people in one place. And with Thanksgiving comes full on Holiday Season. Yes, I am thankful for this calm, this calm before the beautiful, frenetic storm that is brewing.

Mosaic

2007-11-01T10:58:00.000-05:00

I am 52 pages into Amy Grant's book, "Mosaic: Pieces of My Life So Far." I finally had to put it down because I have cried my way through the first several chapters. I guess it wouldn't matter except that I'm sitting at Sam & Zoe's. I came to write a new blog, promising myself that I would only read a few pages of the book. But I couldn't stop. I know part of the emotion comes from knowing Amy personally, for many years. We have never been close, but have always been friendly. I have always been a fan, though mostly in secret. I grew up in music business circles where it is simply "not cool" to be a fan - or at least that's how it seemed from my teenage perspective. Anyway, many of these stories she tells - I remember. I was there. Or I heard the story the first time she told it. So I would have expected this book to move me. What I was not prepared for is the way that I identify with her voice, her melancholy. Even the happy stories are wistful, full of nostalgia. It is almost too much for me. If I had to say, I think I would tell you that my tears are mostly from relief. It feels so good to know that someone else walks around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. If you were to meet me (most of you have!), you'd think I am lighthearted and fun-loving. And you'd be right - partly. But even in the best of times, when I am laughing and truly enjoying myself, there is a part of me deep inside saying, "Please, please don't let this end. Please let it always be like this!" If I'm honest, I have to admit that I'm probably more comfortable in the hard times - in the hard times when melancholy is actually appropriate. And I have to say that it feels good to be in such good company. Thanks, Amy.

Progress Report

2007-10-28T19:17:00.000-05:00

It is becoming clear to me that the purpose of this blog is to be somewhat of a progress report. Fortunately, each blog that I write can be counted as progress in and of itself, but it will also be a place where I can publicly keep track of my goals. For instance, I still have not touched my guitar. I did find my tuner, so at least I'll be in tune when the spirit moves. I didn't write a song last week, although I did RE-write one. I haven't started writing my novel. But I finally told a friend my three ideas a couple of days ago. She liked all three, but she thinks I should write non-fiction. Maybe I will. I need to mull that thought over a little bit more. I mean, what do I have to say? What is my message? My mission? As you can see from my blogs, my thoughts are all over the map. Maybe a theme will emerge as I continue to blog. Let me know if you recognize it before I do!

Here's what else is on my mind:

After today's game the Titans are 5-2! It was yet another game that we shouldn't have won. No inspirational lessons this week. The defense played well, but the other major factor was LUCK. Speaking of luck, Phil Stacey sang the National Anthem at the game today. He was the American Idol contestant who missed the birth of his baby to audition for Idol. He is moderately talented, but he made it to #5 on the show and is rumored to be recording a country album. On the opposite end of the spectrum you have Sixwire. These guys are friends of ours who are extremely talented and have more than paid their dues in this town. They can now be seen on Fox's "America's Next Great Band"! They were picked in the top 12 out of thousands of bands who auditioned and are expected to go to the very end. Okay, I've changed my mind. I DO have an inspirational lesson this week: success means a lot more when you have WORKED for it!

(Although, who am I kidding? A little luck is nice every once in a while!)

In Retrospect.......

2007-10-22T09:51:00.000-05:00

I am sitting at Sam & Zoe's and it is raining outside. I don't know what it is about rainy Fall days that makes me feel so creative. But I DO feel creative today - and alive. It could just be the caffeine high, but I don't think so. In an hour I will meet my friend who will start recording a record tomorrow. We have been writing songs for this record for the better part of a year. Up to now, we have felt quite alone in this process. Apart from a couple of other co-writers, hardly anyone has heard this music. Fortunately, two of the people who have heard it have jumped on board with us and will help this dream come true. The producer had an immediate positive reaction to our demos and consequently, has moved some things around in his schedule in order to work with my friend. (I will introduce her to you later!) Then there is the film and television guy from L.A. who is chomping at the bit to get these songs into film and TV, but my friend has asked him to wait until these more "official" versions are done.

I read Sting's memoir, "Broken Music", over the weekend. It was mostly about his life leading up to the explosion of the Police onto the music scene. I thoroughly enjoyed it and found even the most mundane details interesting. But when I think about, I realize those details are only interesting because he became STING! If not for his eventual fame, he would've just been some guy who played in bands, worked construction, worked for the government, taught third grade and spent many years on the "dole" - the British version of welfare. But as he weaves his story, he introduces his readers to characters who WE know will play life-changing roles in his life. He leads his readers through decisions in his life that WE know will result in his fame and fortune. He admits that he had no preconception of the super stardom that would come in his future, although many people around him did. He just loved playing music, writing songs and singing and so he never veered from the path. I think if I was on welfare I might be willing to accept defeat and walk away from my artistic aspirations, for heaven's sake! But the rest is rock and roll history.

"In the Fall of 2007 an artist would go into the studio. After being overlooked and even rejected for the preceding decade it would soon become evident that her time had come. Her music would reach the entire world and people would be moved by it. She would look back and see the tapestry of her life taking shape, making sense, weaving itself together in a way it was always meant to be. And suddenly all those rainy mornings spent by her friend and co-writer dreaming of the future and all the success to come will not seem mundane at all........"

I Am The WORST Fan!

2007-10-21T20:39:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me at all will not be surprised to find a blog about the Tennessee Titans. Unfortunately, while I am a HUGE fan, I am not a very loyal one. Take today's game for instance: it is the 4th quarter and the Titans lead the Houston Texans by 25 points. Fourteen minutes and several miracles later, the Texans have pulled ahead by one point, seemingly winning the game. I start pacing around the living room and retort to Mark, "So, who are you taking to the Titans game next week?? Because I just can't go and support a team that plays like that!" Nice, huh?? You'd think I could have cut the Titans some slack since they were playing without their starting quarterback, the injured Vince Young. But there was almost a minute left to play. It is a minute that is now NFL history. The Titans get into field goal range and the unlikely hero, kicker Rob Bironas, will hit his 8th field goal of the day - breaking the NFL record for most field goals in one game and more importantly, winning the game.

So here are the lessons that I walked away with. First, the game is not over until it is OVER. I will try to apply this to my life as well as to my fickle fan syndrome. Something I have learned about myself, and am not proud of, is that I "borrow trouble". I assume that I know how something is going to go and freak out and let the bottom fall out. And I'm usually wrong in these situations. Flat out wrong. And then I feel sheepish and wish that my faith had been a little stronger: my faith in God, myself, my career and yes, even in those Tennessee Titans. Secondly, the back story on Rob Bironas the kicker is inspiring in and of itself. Here's a guy who was working at Best Buy a few years ago. In 2003 he decides to give professional football one last shot. He plays Arena football for a while and finally breaks into the NFL - where he will be cut from team after team for the next 3 years. In 2006 the Tennessee Titans pick him up. He will wow teammates and fans with a 60 yard, game winning field goal against the Indianapolis Colts later that year. Today his name goes down in NFL history. At the end of the game, one of the commentators asked him how he felt in light of being rejected by so many teams over the past few years. He said, "I don't see it as rejection. I just see it as part of the rough road I had to go down to get here." (or something to that effect!) Wow! Does that hit you like it hits me?? It makes me want to just keep doing what I'm doing to the best of my ability. Just keep showing up. Maybe all the bumps in the road are bumping me closer to MY shining moment. After all, an unlikely hero is a hero, nonetheless.

If Your Flower Girl Has Two Black Eyes

2007-10-14T22:34:00.000-05:00

All weekend we felt like the punch line to a Jeff Foxworthy joke! You might be a redneck if.............your flower girl has two black eyes! That's right - little Sydney has a goose egg on her forehead and two black eyes. In her words, "I wouldn't get off the swing so my cousin threw a rock at me." She's then quick to assure everybody (and I do mean EVERYBODY) that she has forgiven him and he's still her friend. The rock hit her square in the middle of her forehead, leaving a purply green bump. It looked a little better the next morning. But much to my suprpise (and horror), she had two black eyes when I picked her up from school on the second day. Apparently these injuries tend to travel downward on the face. It was only then that it occurred to me: the wedding! We were due to fly to Kansas 3 days later where Sydney was to be the flower girl in a wedding.

Thus begins the 3 day saga of our weekend spent explaining our black eyed girl to everyone we came in contact with. The flight attendant even announced it over the loud speaker. He was publicly congratulating the groom and thought it would be funny to throw in the story of the flower girl with the "shiners".

There was a lot of emotion surrounding the dress that Sydney wore. It was the same dress that the bride herself wore when she was flower girl in her mother's wedding almost twenty years ago. I could imagine what the mother of the bride was thinking as she watched her grown-up daughter hugging Sydney in that flower girl dress. I know she was thinking it felt like only yesterday. I squeezed her arm knowingly when I saw the tears in her eyes. My own tears came as Sydney made her entrance. You have never seen a little girl looking more proud of herself as she walked down that aisle, meticulously dropping her flower petals.

Right before the wedding ceremony, I left her in the vestibule in the capable hands of the 6 year old ring bearer. I had started to walk away to go find my seat when she called out to me. "Mama! I forgot to give you hugs and kisses!" It was one of those moments when you are aware that a "moment" is happening. I bent to receive my hugs and kisses and told her "Honey, I love you SO much and I'm SO proud of you!" I KNOW that I will remember this someday when I hug and kiss her in the vestibule on her own wedding day. I will say those same words to her and she will be all grown up and dressed in a beautiful gown, but there will be a split second when I will see her as my precious flower girl with two black eyes. And I, too, will feel like it was only yesterday.

Pumpkins and Turkeys and Pigs, Oh My!

2007-10-08T21:51:00.000-05:00

I did not wear my songwriter hat today. I did not go to my hip coffee shop, I did not pick up my guitar and I did not write a word of fiction.

I did, however, play 20 games of "I Spy", pet 3 piglets, 2 calves and a goat (we weren't allowed to pet the turkey - guess he's a little testy this time of year) and pick pumpkins right out of the patch. If you guessed that I went on my first field trip with Syd's pre-school class, then - you win!! For your prize you can choose between my melted jello or Sydney's dangerously warm diced turkey bites! Did I mention it was 90 degrees?? Yep, there we were, sweating in our blue jeans, jostling down the dusty trail while the unseasonably hot sun baked us on the too long hayride. At first, the 4 year olds were good sports, waving politely when prompted, at the old mare in the field and oohing and ahhing obligingly over the big, round hay bales. But by the end of the ride the kids were just asking when they could go home.

We had so looked forward to this trip to Walden Farm. When I first saw it on the school calendar, I had visions of turning leaves, crisp, cool air and a quaint picnic in the field. I pictured sweaters and jackets and maybe even mugs of hot chocolate. Never once did I conjure up flies and sunburn and little faces dripping with perspiraton. We did walk away with two mighty fine pumpkins of Sydney's choosing, so all was not lost.

Lesson for the day: I was going to think of something really profound to say here - something about togetherness and not taking things for granted, but there is one glaring thought that I cannot get out of my head:

Note to self: next time you go on a field trip in hot weather, DO NOT pack perishable foods for lunch!

Blogging: Day Two (or Crack Corn Cakes)

2007-10-05T12:45:00.000-05:00

Right now I am in danger of being swallowed by my couch. My stomach is full of corn cakes and white bean soup from Nero's. I wasn't even offended that our waiter laughed when my sister and I requested our third basket of corn cakes. Let me sum it up for you - crispy and golden on the outside, soft and warm on the inside - spread with butter - devour - then repeat. And now I'm trying to blog. Maybe I need to stick to the hip coffee shops around town. I felt so creative yesterday as I sat in my uncomfortable chair, drank my (non-fat) latte and watched the parade of bohemians and business people coming and going, united in their quest for caffeine. I felt so energized, so productive. Now I just feel full, and sleepy! But I'm a blogger now, so that's what I will do. And then maybe I'll give in to the couch and take a short cat nap to reward myself............

If You Can't Beat 'Em..........

2007-10-04T09:57:00.000-05:00

Okay, okay, I'm going to start "blogging"! Back in the day we called it "journaling" and I wouldn't have let anyone read my private thoughts for the world. But, times have changed and I consider myself to be somewhat of a modern woman, as well as an aspiring writer, so..............

Here's what's on my mind today:

I had a birthday two days ago. I'm not ready to tell you how old I am. But it's older than you think. At least that's the most common reaction that I get upon telling people my age. "No!" they say, "you look about ____!" and it's a number that is a good 8 to 10 years younger than I really am. It's a catch 22 for me, because I am definitely one of those people who is getting better with age. I'm a late bloomer. I married late, had my daughter late, pursued my dream career late and most importantly, grew some confidence late! But I do appreciate the compliment. Anyway, back to my birthday. I had every intention of sitting in my favorite coffee shop, Sam & Zoe's, and getting my dreams and goals organized that day. I see my birthday as being a very important starting point as well as being a good time for assessment - much like New Year's Day. I ended up getting a massage - a gift from my envied-by-all-my-friends husband - which rendered me useless for the rest of the day. I am not exaggerating one bit! I met my mom and sisters for sushi afterwards and I remember thinking how much trouble it was to mix my dab of wasabi into my low sodium soy sauce! I could've put my head down on the table! After lunch I could only muster enough energy to wander aimlessly around the shoe store next door.

SO! Today is the day. Just 2 days late. Today I plan the next year of my life. But first I will look back on the year that just passed - rather quickly at that! In a nutshell, my life is GREATLY improved compared to this time last year. I have lost 30-35 pounds (um, it varies almost daily!), written 20 songs, become more involved with my church, endeavored to parent more meaningfully and have been on some fabulous vacations! On the downside, I have not touched my guitar in 6 months (I'm primarily a lyricist) and I have not written a word of fiction in over a year. All in all, it was a successful year. It feels like a good foundation for the coming year and all the expectations I have for it.

So, I've gotten my songwriting career back up and running. I am not satisfied with just writing songs. My goal for the coming year is to write more fiction! I will write 2 short stories and will write 100 pages of my yet-to-be-titled novel!

I will blog regularly and explore other outlets for my non-fiction writing.

I will play one writer's night by this time next year. This means actually picking up my guitar and practicing!!

I will write 3 songs by myself - lyrics AND music!

Whew! I better get busy. I've placed a tall order. And I'm already two days behind..............